I started looking into returning to meditation a few months ago. I have taken cautionary steps to experiment with the digitally induced meditation experience that I have decided to proceed with. I want to share some of my thoughts and experiences as I begin this life changing practice once again.
One of the first things that I learned about meditation was that meditation can have a lot of sensations and a lot of experiential opportunities but that we do not want to get locked into any of these or they will distract us from the objective of “being one with God”. I would agree and I think that is a good statement for life as well, especially if one desires to live “free”. Life may be to God just as “non-existent” as meditation is to us in this sphere. Or maybe it could be said that meditation may be to man just as real as our “lives” are to God. They are to be observed but may not have really so much eternal value as far as the particulars but that the “value” comes in how we “view” them. (I am not denying the intrinsic value of the physical human form which I will explain below)
I do not wish to make light of “existence” because it is real and has its purpose but it may be different to the what man “normally” thinks it to be. I firmly believe in the doctrine of The Church of Jesus Christ which states that we will be resurrected with a perfected body of flesh and blood. We have heretofore done a lot of work to be worthy of this blessing, mainly in the pre-existence. Everyone born here (perhaps even conceived here) will have an immortal, perfected body. Now is the time to line up and master our emotions, bodily appetites, and psyches’ so that we might be able to use these beautiful flesh and bone bodies for further good, including continued posterity (children), into the eternities.
Like anything else we will all gain expertise to different levels and specifications. Thus the need of different levels or kingdoms, even in heaven. All save those who truly hate their own flesh and fight against the Holy Ghost and his ability to lead others to the light, with full knowledge that this is what they are doing, will be resurrected to a state of glory.
So what am I doing with meditation? Many of us understand meditation to be the removing ourselves from the human or body experience; to detach and become one with God and the cosmos. Well, I believe that meditation may have the capacity to allow me to pull in the reigns on my emotions (which, indeed it did to a great degree some ten or fifteen years ago) as well as my cognitive or psyche existence. I believe that the DNA in our cells remembers trauma from our ancestors and that we have the opportunity to resolve those issues for them as well, if we are not overcome by fear and understand that some things “simply” must go through the physical plane.
I mean that the hurt, sorrow, or terror (to name a few of the emotions that come to mind) of the experience must be allowed to flow through the body and be released. Often when life deals us a hard blow we are not in a position to acknowledge our own feelings, our own existence if you will (think of the young child who may be taught not to show or express emotion even with the treat of physical or emotional attack or neglect). There have been times in my recovery process that I have broken down in sobs that causes my body to shake. These waves of emotion do not last long though, only 15 to 45 seconds tops and I am fine. It is something I have come to understand is from a past experience and that something current has triggered a physiological memory of and my “person” is now in such a place of security that it can freely release the sorrow or emotion that these experiences brought in their wake.
I have done a lot of work with affirmations and use of catchy phrases and quotes that have reprogrammed my sub-conscious, re-trained my self talk, and removed many old and unhealthy “tapes”. I feel that the Holy Spirit has guided me to this place where I can look at meditation again and go even further in the healing of my psychological state due to my earthly experiences, as well as possibly heal some from those whose bloodline and genes I share that were not able to heal while they were on earth, a “by proxy” experience if you will, not unlike that which we do in baptisms for those who have gone before us in the temples of our God.
This week I will be beginning the deep meditation. I have been doing lighter meditations for four to six weeks now and have had the manifestations of different sorts. I will make a list of them here, which may not be all-inclusive but will you an idea of the possibilities of what can happen. Part of why I am sharing this so candidly is because I do four to five blog talk radio shows per week, which in four I bear my testimony strongly (the only reason I do not do so in the 5th is because it is in Spanish and my fluency is limited there) and I feel that it is only fair to my audience that I relate my current therapeutic process. I do not wish to proclaim some “greater than thou” capacity but rather to exhibit that the process of life and rebirth is just a process that we each may choose to partake in or not. It is not glamorous, but it does result in powerful and beautiful self-awareness and a consciousness of our relationship to the children of men and all of God’s creations, and a witness of a loving Heavenly Father and companion in the Holy Ghost, as well as a witness of the gift of the atonement from our Savior, Jesus Christ. (note that this is the re-birthing process that is holistic that Christ spoke of and not the experience of all who meditate or seek healing)
Here is the list of my meditation experiences of late:
- greater awareness, sometimes colors are more vibrant and catch my eyes, sometimes it is motion…I remember stopping at the park bench with the intent to read for a few minutes and I simply had to observe the scenery around me…the waves of the grass as the wind blew upon it, the feeling of the breeze on my cheek, the sounds of the children in the pool, etc…
- feeling intoxicated, just a good buzz on, you know, no worries, all is right with the world (it should be noted that I have observed myself going into that place where all is wrong with the world and I am “guilty” of who knows what and so forth, as well, but these are reflections of old tapes and I do not get locked in them because I know they are not me…I just observe and let them pass…and they often do in short order, especially once I acknowledge them they seem to evaporate and I am no longer caught in that emotional web)
- feeling like I am moving and thinking in slow motion,this is part of that intoxicated buzz on and is part of what challenges me most when I think of doing my shows while doing this healing…I want to present myself as someone you can trust…though if I were to present myself as anything other than wounded and flawed I would be false, would I not…besides, trust God and the witness of the Holy Ghost…NOT ME 🙂 that does not mean that my voice need be null and void any more than anyone else’s
- feeling like my brain is recalibrating, it is being exercised through the meditation and is literally allowed to create new brain cells and will eventually be able to join the right and left brain–according to the literature for the program anyway–so this may be an ongoing process…it is not scary or “off” other than it is something that I am not so used to observing
- using wrong tenses for words in speech and in reading or needing to re-read a phrase more often than in the past…I believe this is coming from the recalibrating sense that I am experiencing…so far I always plateau stronger than I had been before…I will be keeping a strong eye on this also
- feeling very sensual, nearly in a state of sexual stimulation that is not isolated to the typical sexual parts but is extended out even into my aura, it is a very “alive” feeling that has with it a sense of being one with absolutely everything
- a sense of not being “bound” to the emotions that come from being with other people, be they family or associates, yet having a witness of their importance as well as my need to be “present” with them and attentive to their expressions and what they have to share with me or what they may need from me (this is with a greater intensity than I had before beginning the meditation…as I was cognitively aware of these things before and so able to be “aware” of where they are that it could weigh heavy on me…that heaviness seems lighter, meaning I do not feel that I must be responsible for them or alter all their challenges) (some of this may be coming from my recent engrossed interest in NDE, near death experiences…I found a site where thousands are recorded and I review about 5 every day….here the message seems clear that life is to be lived and it is between God and the individual, even their challenges…I had some understanding of this before as I have personally given birth to 6 individuals and know that I cannot take away all of their sorrows and challenges, even though I may “wrongly” desire to)
And so my journey continues. I will be commenting on PTSD and my experience with it currently in my next blog entry. Acknowledging where we are today is a basic component of freedom and from that platform we may make choices that lead us to greater health and stability or to further bondage. As always, the choice is ours. Namaste (=the divine within me greets the divine within you) God bless.