Blog professionals say to write to just one person.
Like when we would have scripture study or homework.
I would write to my children.
They are strong now.
They have found their “life rhythm”.
My journey may not be compatible any longer.
I feel sorry for them in a way.
Not having a “real” mother.
But if that helps them be more compassionate to others because they wish to have maintain connection, that is good, I think.
I pray my being faithful to myself gives them encouragement someday to do the same.
But in truth, I do not feel sorry for them.
They are safe within the confines of the society that bred them.
They will make their way just fine, as will their offspring.
I feel I have no means of reaching them anymore, emotionally or psychologically. Not with what I understand.
No hopes of being part of their society, so that all feel comfortable and uplifted.
And that is okay.
I have done my share to accommodate so that they could find their own form of stability and way in the world.
Now I need to continue with the work I was given to do.
Do not think that I play with the idea that they did not measure up somehow, or that they failed me.
Far from it, their independence I encouraged, and the gap that comes between us, in its several forms, was agreed to long before we came here so that we may each fulfill the roles we agreed to and receive the understandings that we could not get in the world of spirit.
(Okay, I admit, sometimes I get on my pity pot, but it is not for long.)
I do not sit at suicide’s doorstep anymore.
I no longer torment myself with thoughts of the inability to fulfill the measure of my creation.
And I do not carry fear with me.
I walk in the light of what I know as the Holy Ghost.
And do not think that I am saying, “Gee, aren’t I fantastic”. I am only saying I have found my niche.
I know that I travel on the boarder of sanity.
And still, I am not afraid.
Jesus has been my guide for so long.
And during my years as a single parent, the prophets of old were my faithful companions as I read my scriptures and tried to find my way.
I have always felt closer to those in spirit.
Whether it was my father, after he passed, in knowing that he would know I loved him.
Or the saints that struggled and grew along the banks of the Mississippi in Nauvoo, Illinois.
Or those in my bloodline who have passed and those yet to come.
I sense them, or feel them near me.
I am clairsentient if anything.
I know not what tomorrow brings but I know it will be interesting.
I find myself feeling like I am talking with Jesus sometimes when I write.
To him and others in the world of spirit.
Like an elder brother that I adore, and that sometimes joke with, speak firmly to, or even scold.
Scolding has only occurred once or twice and that is while I am working through the first parts of Urtext ACIM.
I suspect he and I will yet have a few words. Chuckle.
I send out a prayer that those who may benefit, be able to understand, or hear what I am saying will be drawn to my blog.
Beyond that I only move forward.
As a side note, life has honed my skills as an organizer.
Not of big affairs or events, but of simple things, like closets and bathrooms.
Give me a task and tools and I can bring about an environment conducive to it.
I use to think that hooking up with a partner, such as a mate or a friend would be helpful for me.
I found out that people really do not want what they say they want.
They defy it even.
And I am anything but a “chill” person.
There is purpose in my life.
I have no doubt, even though others I respect may say otherwise.
Abraham-Hicks for instance.
That’s okay. I have learned my lesson. I no longer seek to organize anyone’s space.
Those skills, I am thinking, were developed so that I might look to the task of being a part of aligning the human psyche. If I might have any influence on giving us a clearer understanding of who we are and who God is.
I will feel fulfilled.
Indeed, I can say that fulfillment is mine already, because I sit in a place of understanding and forgiveness and compassion that is nothing if it is not heaven sent.
So really, I write for me. I hope that does not offend anyone.
In my heart of hearts, I know that you are … me.
Till next time, God bless, Namaste~