I have been a Mormon for a long time. I buy in bulk and stock up on all the necessities. As a 60 plus woman who lives alone, I still hoard, as my daughter mentioned after helping clear my apartment (chuckle), when I went to the state of Washington to be near my mother whom I had been told was dying.
I had never thought of myself as a hoarder but even after the return to the Midwest, I see the impact. Even after going through the vehicle that has been packed to the brim for 3 months I find myself holding onto the four pair of tennis shoes, two flip-flops, and four sandals. I only have two feet after all!
I want to keep my life light. In time, I hope to condense my physical trail even further. I wish to leave a psychological/spiritual trail behind me instead of stuff.
I find myself in a place of confusion as to where my physical being needs to be. I loved the energy of the nature in Washington. It lends itself very well to inspiring divine thoughts of oneness with all creation.
Holding my hands palms-out to the ocean I felt as if the creatures of the Bay were lending me their energy and confirmation of the work that I have dedicated the remainder of my physical existence here to proclaim.
I had gotten a job, found a doctor that I adored, and could see that reasonable rates for housing were to be found if one was ready and quick to respond.
The Spirit prompted me to try one more time to see mom. Maybe I would not be turned away. Mama knows why I am not there, without a doubt. She suspected as much from the get-go. It was me who was naive.
The Spirit knew that her Power of Attorney would be there as well. “Why are you here trying to see my mother?” As I looked into the eyes of my youngest sibling I finally started to see what others had been trying to tell me.
I was not welcome. I was not wanted. Ownership of a human being would rule the day. It really was ownership of pain and confusion that had built up over years of misunderstanding. The layers of truth that poured out from the Spirit that I follow was tremendous. In the moment, though, I focused on my breathing and waited to see how things would land. The verdict passed through the official channels and I was instructed to leave the facility that housed my mother.
Money still talks loudest in this world and as Power of Attorney, since mother has not been assisted to communicate her own wishes, the ability to remove her from her home of 30 years if necessary would not be too high a card to play since mama is considered to be in a serious place of dementia by some (and not by others besides myself).
I do not know if it went that far. I was not privy to those conversations. I only know that the conversation occurred where my sister’s wishes where expressed so that they could not be misunderstood.
I had not traveled this far to force the hand of my sister into legal action to keep me from my mother. I had come to be a support and strength to a family that had struggled over many years. To “get in her face” was not a part of my objective.
Before the day was out I knew that I had to return to the Midwest. I did not question long the thought that occurred which was; “Why was it necessary for me to give up my established lifestyle in the Midwest if I was only to be here a short time?”.
I knew that this mindset was the one that I needed. It allowed me to experience the various things that would occur in these three months and thereafter. These things and that decision were part of the plan that would establish the groundwork that would allow me to move forward in my life and teach and learn as I had planned in the pre-existence with Jesus at my side and the counsels of heaven approving each step.
We will be stretched and stretched, like taffy and we will feel that we have broken, yet over time we will become as flexible and fluid as that lovely taffy candy able to be bent and molded to the pattern and plan of the life that we were called to.
I am not broken. Every pull and tug stretches me to show me the strength of my endurance. I am a puzzle to many. I know this. I do not wish to confront humanity or point fingers of attack and reproach.
Rather, I wish to point to Christ and to show us the possible misinterpretations of the words of Jesus that we might understand the very nature of what we are and our potential and glory as Children of God.
So my journey continues, first to stabilize my compass and determine where I need to lay my head, at least for a time, so that I may continue my writing course with Hay House and prepare the book proposal for the contest they are running.
I have signed up for early retirement so that I may be allowed the freedom to write the many books that I have in my heart to shed light on the condition of mankind and the Love of God. My funds will not be great, yet neither are my needs. I hope my books will be read by others and that someday I may be allowed to head a discussion about our divinity and what that means to us all.
My writing opens the way for the Spirit to teach me and that is the supreme reward. You may ask “And how do you know that it is a righteous spirit that you are following Deb?” That is a fair question and I, like you, do not have guarantees in this life. All I know is that it is a relationship that I have cultivated over a lifetime and that voice, that guidance, which I came to understand by following the path that Jesus has led me on, is undeniable and gives me such feelings of peace and joy and hope for humanity that I will give all I am to follow in faith, “…line upon line, precept by precept, here a little, there a little…” just as Jesus was (and is).
To God be the glory, great things He hath done!
Till next time, bye for now,
Debi, Deb, Debra, Debbie, Christa-Ann,…
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