I Believe It Is Okay To Feel Lost Sometimes

I feel a bit lost.
I admit that.
Do I stay in Washington state, near my mother and some siblings who have decided my visiting mom is detrimental to her welfare or do I return to the Midwest and focus on my writing while being able to see six of eighteen grandchildren and 1 of 4 great-grandchildren?
As a homeless person of the past several weeks, I have experienced a lot of things.
First off, let me note, I know there are others who would have confidence and resolve their issues quickly. Familiarity with Craigslist and the ways of the world make it simple. I acknowledge that I wade through my own sphere of demons and meet the day as best I can. Judge me if you must, I know others could live my life much better.
The ability to maintain my own sense of “Walking in Spirit” is a priority for me.
I desire to use this body form that I have for the benefit of the Christ of whom I know I am a part.
God is not a question for me. He is omnipotent (all-powerful), omniscient (all-knowing), and omnipresent (everywhere), even as He is silent knowing that I must choose the way back into remembrance of His love.
I know at the same time that He is not a part of this Hell that I have allowed myself to be a part of for it is only in my mind that it exists.
The god that we speak of here in this world is in-fact Source. The source of our sense of scarcity, shame, and self-loathing. It is The Only Begotten Son, who is seeking to awaken to the presence of the Father and His all-encompassing love. Sadly, it appears to be taking a long time because it is you and I who get to do the work to help him awaken.
Knowing I am a component of a multi-personalitied entity (meaning I am a partial manifestation of The Christ) and that those I seem to perceive outside myself are likewise a component of a greater Whole is something that is taking me a bit to adjust to.
My spirit is rejoicing in this witness. I gladly give away my identity to be absorbed into the Christ Wholeness. This may come easily to me as I have not been in a position where I felt a sense of real belonging in this sea that we call humanity.
I have not quite reconciled how to take care of the body so easily though. And which part of the continent would it serve the best?
All that I have prayed about and witnessed as I watch for signs from the angels says that the west coast is where I belong.
Yet I crave the comforts of having a space to myself and being available to plan my activities and have a secure space for my writing.
Is it true that I have no rights as a daughter to see my mother if my sister has power of attorney? Do I simply accept that and walk away from a woman that I believe knows and needs me now?
Living with your head and heart turned to the Lord is bound to take you on adventures that you only dreamed of and have yet to recall.
I rejoice in the witness that all is unfolding exactly as it should. And that all my needs will be met in abundance in their proper time.
Till next time.
Namaste~ God Bless us Every One
Debi, Debra, Deb, aka Christa-Ann

About Yvonne Debra Simmons aka Christa-Ann Faith Godsdaughter

Welcome: Please read at your own risk and be responsible for your own edification and enlightenment. Disclaimer: I no longer consider myself a traditional Christian. I do still follow the Jesus I have come to know and I follow the Holy Spirit, as I recognize Him. I believe that Jesus taught us that we are the Christ and the "I Am" he referred to encompassed all of us. Thus, I believe we have misunderstood many teachings of Jesus. I consider myself a seeker and a believer in humanity and that there is a purpose to being; and an answer as to why we have the suffering that we do. I believe that the Holy Spirit is the instructor we should seek and that means trusting your own heart and being responsible for the guidance we follow. That means learning to hear and heed the voice of warning, instruction, or confirmation. I continue to be a student and an observer. Watching for something that tells me my hypothesis is wrong, or that I need to tweak it in some way. Writing is my greatest instructor these days. When I begin a book I do not know where it will end up or how it will develop, but I do know that I will be a changed person when I finish, knowing myself better. That may just be the best we can hope for in life. I feel as if I have died and gone to heaven numerous times as I have uncovered secrets that I long to share. My body will age and fulfill the contract I made with Christ (meaning all of us) to bare witness of His divine curse of suffering, but my spirit and intellect will bare witness of His innocence and the beauty and expanse of The Father's Love for His Son. To me, this, for now, is the ultimate freedom. I wish no argument with anyone. May we each be true to our own conscience. God bless us every One, Namaste~
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