Family statistics or circumstances do not need to define us. Neither does our personal history need to define us before God, even though it may to the world. Some of what you will see here may not be easy to read. Remember they are just circumstances in a life. I do not need to claim my circumstances as my identity as a child of God, they are simply the place from which I was sent to testify of the love of our Heavenly Father and the divinity of Jesus Christ.
My renewed meditation practice has slowed this portion of my blog from coming out. I wanted to be sure that I was in the state of mind that would be able to present these things without appearing to be ranting or throwing stones. I do not wish to do either. I wish, in fact, to give thanks for my circumstances because that is the only way I could have born testimony from this place. We all have a role to play in the building of our Heavenly Father’s Kingdom and this is mine. I do not wish to be like the Book of Mormon Ramiumptin’s (did I spell that right?) who got on their tower once a week and said thank you for making me better than my fellow men and giving me thy saving grace and then walked off the tower and went about their business till it was time to do it again.
I wish to bear my testimony from my place of experience. Now within that place there may be others who were right beside me that did not “see” things as I did and I respect that and allow them their place and testimony, even as I claim my own. The meditation stirs up old thought patterns that I have cleaned out of my conscious mind and behavior but that lurk in the subconscious ready to trip me up when the pressure is on or I get stressed out or weakened. Bringing it forth through the meditation is very helpful because then it can be released and not create new headaches for me.
I have worked through many distressing “states of mind” and needed to let some of that blow over and get used to the “pattern” of the cognitive processes of meditation again before I wrote of these sensitive issues. I desire to be candid without being cruel. I will state facts as I understood them with no desire to label anything other than the circumstances. In other words I am not seeking to blame or label any individual, though it may appear that way at first glance.
My father for instance, was a rapist and a child molester, he was also an artist, and a dreamer, in the best sense and I loved these things about him. He was also a believer that better things were possible, and he taught me what it meant to be willing to put my name on whatever work I set my hand to. I loved my dad a lot and I still do, in spite of his weaknesses of the past. I have done his temple work and had great joy this last year as I sealed him to his parents after I had their temple work done.
I have stated my own weaknesses and will again and believe it is appropriate to acknowledge life and circumstance and then to testify of God’s healing power to overcome all obstacles. I look forward to continuing my discourse on the principles of freedom as taught by the Redeemer, Jesus Christ and I do so from the place of my “circumstance”, humbly and with gratitude and forgiveness and a request for mercy for my shortcomings as well.
I am trying to allow the Holy Ghost to direct this work. If it does any good it will be at his hand. I am but the vehicle given the privilege to testify of God’s great love for each of us.
Till next time,