I want to comment about this incredible journey. These are things that I have been observing, some are obvious to me and some are more subtle:

  • Meditation puts me in a neutral state emotionally so that I become the observer.
  • Meditation seems to make me more autonomous (heaven help me, chuckle).
  • I am able to follow through on those things that are important to me.
  • When doing my blog talk radio shows I feel the power of the Holy Ghost teaching me with greater depth and strength. Although sometimes I feel like I am pausing because my mind is recalibrating from the meditation at the same time I am seeking to follow the promptings of the Holy Spirit in the show. And it does allow me deeper considerations, pondering, and understanding.
  • I feel I am able to “connect the dots” better…this is significant because in my childhood I segregated things to cope with my dangerous and confusing reality, so having an integration of thought is very noticed by me and very appreciated.
  • My courage and stability, as well as honesty and candidness seem enhanced. Courage is not new to me for it is how I live my life, so to have it enhanced is meaningful.
  • I feel unable to accept less that openness in my relationships. That does not mean I blurt out everything but rather that I ponder how I might address something that makes me uncomfortable in a relationship and seek for an amiable way to share my concerns, while being willing to take the risk of losing the relationship rather than be false to myself or them. I am thinking of two relationships where this has occurred recently and neither is romantic.
  • I have a sense of clarity of goals and am able to correct my course if I have taken on too much without getting “over-frazzled”.
  • My subconscious seems to be meeting me in helping me accomplish my goals rather than sabotaging me as it has in the past because of my fears or perceived weaknesses.
  • I feel somehow more childlike and yet the questions I ask myself are profoundly deeper.
  • I have moments or short periods of time where old emotional or cognitive patterns arise and I am able to see them for what they are and let them go. This gives me new food for thought and reflection on how far I have come and brings me great joy and gratitude to my Heavenly Father.
  • Clarity of what I want or need to do and less excuses for not doing it.
  • Energy that just seems to be there to follow it through.
  • I have a schedule that changes all the time and the shift from 50 hours a week to 12 is dynamic, yet I am able to accomplish things and to rely on my faith that I will accomplish what I need to without it taking me into a place where I spin my wheels and get frustrated.
  • I can do a small chunk of the task and feel good about it without feeling guilty that I have not accomplished everything.
  • My emotions are full bodied in that I feel what ever I feel fully, both happy and sad, and all its variances.

I feel as if I am more acclimated to this experience and will be able to proceed with where I feel this blog is supposed to be going. I want to share more of who I really am which would include some background, but I want to do it with as much clarity of mind so that I do it in a way that would be pleasing to Heavenly Father. There is always that degree of unknown. And there is a risk that comes with expressing yourself. I am going to try and get a daily entry for a bit so that I can get this foundation laid. I hope that is not burdensome to those who have chosen to follow my blog.

Freedom means doing what you know you need to be doing without having all the answers of how and why in a tidy little bundle.

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