Pain is there, underlying all that I do, because ever since I have received the sure witness of God’s love for me he has also given me a love for all mankind…actually I had accepted that portion of his love as a child of neglect and abuse, deciding to love rather than hate…it was me that I did not allow to live or be loved and I have had to learn to do this. I believe that pain is the yang energy and love the yin wherein when the two come together in perfect form life “is”. In other words man cannot truly accept all that it means to “be” unless he is willing to accept both entities, literally an acceptance of, what I believe, is the substance of eternal life.
I also believe that love comes from God alone (…no,…I do not believe man is capable of producing love on his own…or anything else for that matter) and that, while pain is the result of the “fall of man” or the distancing of himself from Heavenly Father, it is only by his Spirit that we are able to withstand the impact of that pain (just as it is only by his Spirit that we are able to have true love in our beings…we are, in fact, a literal manifestation of his love and our acceptance of his love in the pre-existence). When we do not allow his Spirit to be with us (by choosing to embrace the pain alone and running from it through sin) we condemn ourselves to the overwhelming stress of the situation and deny the outlet we were given by divine decree. (This, I believe, is how we set up the soil wherein PTSD can flourish.)
A key to accepting this assistance that we so desperately need is FORGIVENESS of SELF and the other. I believe that God is everything and in our cognitive awareness the next entity must be self and it is the self that needs to be heard and observed and tended to before the other truly will receive the manifestation of God’s love that can come through us if/when we allow it. Thus the reason for loving others as ourselves and why it is critical. This is why we must take responsibility for loving ourselves and tending to our needs on the multitude of levels that is presented to man in this sphere/dimension. The scriptures testify of this repeatedly.
I had thought that this entry would be about my “issues” but definition on my understanding of the terms and concept was important first. And in seeking to define what suggests PTSD for me I have gotten clarification of recognizing my limitations. Boundaries where never easy or clear for me so this “awareness” has really come by learning to treat myself with the same courtesy and dignity that I treat others. What I am going to do now is to set out some of the “pain thresh holds” that manifest the boundaries that I believe that I must establish and support at this time to keep myself in a place where I can be in a state where I can honor myself and the God that gave me life. This is not the end all answer to anything, it is only where I am today.
Actually I believe that I will create a Part Three to this discussion so that it does not get too lengthy.