Freedom Knows What Fear Is And Where It Truly Belongs

This is my statement from four years ago. “The scripture says a lot about fear. We have received very specific and clear direction. We have been told to fear the Lord and also to put our trust in him.”

As I reflect on this today I think of F.E.A.R., False Evidence Appearing Real. Everywhere there is something to be afraid of so much so that people today are very disturbed if they feel a tone of frustration of anger. “Squelch it as soon as possible by whatever means” seems to be the by word. I must tell you that coming from a place where I needed to get angry to climb out of very challenging situations as a child, a youth, and throughout my adult years I would rather see someone express controlled anger than behind your back manipulation and calculated getting even.

In terms of working with the Christ that we are, we want to move forward in hope and faith. That faith in the knowledge that we are being cared for and guided by those under the direction of God and at our own request. This includes remembering that we are spiritual beings having a mortal experience. Today I believe that while we do retain our individual, personality and physical memories like a dream eternally, I do not believe that we are limited to one experience in the material world. I embrace reincarnation as a gift from God to allow us to grow and experience, at least until we are willing to awaken and remember what our ultimate purpose is which I believe is to assist in restoring The Son to remembrance of The Father (God).

I use to fear offending others or not being there for my children or grandchildren. Today I see the world so differently that I know that they each made an agreement with Jesus and Christ to fulfill something that Christ wanted to experience. I recently had to remember that animals, too, have made choices in the lives that they are living.

I am one who wants to defend and fix everything and knowing all creation has its personal contract with Christ and with God is huge in understanding and remembering to let others have their contract existence. In other words, let them have their pain! Oh my! Doesn’t that sound like you just do not care?!! Well, at first it might seem so, but give it a chance. What I believe you will find is that you gain healthier boundaries for yourself and you allow them to be more autonomous or self guided.

May God grant us a remembrance of who we are and our relationship to Him, Ourselves, Others, the world, and beyond. Till next time, IJN, Amen, Namaste~

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Freedom Can Be As Easy As Changing the Words You Use

I could not agree with this statement any more. The words that we use have power. Everyday we are speaking to our heart and from our hearts. We bare witness of what we believe about life and about our place in it.

Here is what I said 4 years ago:

“Have you thought about what freedom means? Isn’t it about choice? When we say that I “have to” do something we are telling ourselves that we have no choice. When we change that to I “get to” or I “want to” it makes all the difference in our attitude and our subconscious minds will get the message as well and know that this is a joy and not a burden.  I really took this to heart in a class taught in college by Lou Tice (

The words we use create an image in our minds and they are very powerful. That goes for the ones we send out to others and the ones that we send out to ourselves.”

I still agree and would add the addition that will change the world! To understand that it is the life of Christ that you are living and that He has sent you on a journey that will include pain and suffering. This is because we still have within our DNA the false thought from our Creator, The Christ, that He had about His need to be punished for separating from God.

If we are to be truly free our language will need to reflect a recognition of this part of our being along with two other criteria. One is that we acknowledge our forgiveness of Christ and even our witness that all this sorrow just is not a truth we choose to continue to condone, accept, or acknowledge. The second thing is to give thanks and glory to both Christ and God, The Father for the abundance that They have provided for us on a daily basis.

Now I am not speaking about positive thinking. I am speaking of living as if one believes that God Is. When you really stop to think about it, you will see the logic in it; once you get over the idea that so much suffering must have happened because it is recorded and you may even thought that you have lived it.

The point is, you can either live in the contrast, which is the darkness, or you can live in the light and truth that God Is and that because of this We may know of Christ’s innocence and purity.

I understand that this is a bit more challenging than just changing our language, but that is a great place to start. The Bible teaches us to give thanks in all things and to seek first the Kingdom of God and all things shall be added unto you. This is something we may all partake in personally and, indeed, must be undergone by all components of creation so as to allow The Only Begotten Son of God to awaken to His true Self.

Till next time, may you receive all the blessings you are willing to receive, in Jesus name, Amen.



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Remember Who The Enemy Really Is

The enemy is Christ. What! You have got to be kidding! He is the Savior of the world!!!

(Stayed tuned to this and future entries for greater insight to that opening statement!)

Yes, He is the Savior of the world, but not how we have been taught. Four years ago I started this entry. I thought since I have not been on it for 2 years because of the incredible growth journey that I have been on that I would clean up the drafts and see if my views had changed etc. And WOW, yes obviously they have changed.

Four years ago this is what I wrote:

The enemy is not man. The enemy is philosophies or ideas that at first seem very positive i. e. get all the people fed/GMO. The problem is that it does not ensure a healthy, long-lasting result. In the scriptures we are taught that there is an enemy and it is an enemy to all mankind. And it is not only one individual, he has a huge army of followers who do his bidding. I am speaking of the adversary, otherwise know as the devil or Satan, once known as Lucifer.

Modern media has made him nothing but a figment of our imagination or an excuse for our own misbehavior, “The Devil Made Me Do It” in, not so distant, sitcom history. The scriptures are clear that he lives and has freedom on earth to tempt mankind. His is thoughts and suggestions that lead us to behaviors that steal not only our freedom but very often the freedom of others.

*All the thoughts that come into our minds are not necessarily ours. There are old tapes from the composite of our primary caregivers when we were little and new thoughts of deviant or wrongful behaviors camouflaged in sophisticated, glittering. or titillating words and images that tempt us to consider them or at least let them sit in our minds and fester.

*This is similar to how the word of God grows within us. For we must partake or read the word of God and give it space in our minds to take root and grow. This will grow into life and freedom of choice. Whereas if we allow the adversary’s images and suggestions to do so, even though they seem so innocent, they can fester and fill us with lustful or self-hating and destructive thoughts that will lead to behaviors that will lead to spiritual death. Sometimes it can lead to physical death but that is not as common or even as eternally destructive as spiritual death.

*Finding ourselves at odds with individuals or even groups of humanity is not where we want to be. And I am talking about the heart here and the mind, because quite often if they know that we disagree with self destructive behaviors they will not choose to be in our company because we are a threat to their very lives. Do you see what I mean? If lust or greed or self destructive behavior has taken over their “will” it attaches itself so fiercely to the life core or center of the psyche that says that they are safe that they cannot allow anyone who is truly “free” nearby because it threatens their sense of safety.

*Like someone in a true cult they are dictated to by their addictions rather than by their ability to choose what is good and right and healthy for their growth. It is just as real to them and just as much a threat to their “lives” as if they were put under water and not allowed to breathe.

**This is where my faith in Christ becomes so important to me. Because I must remember him and his victory over death and all that is evil so that I can walk among mankind with their addictions and know that I can be of some use and that he will continue to work with them and with me for I am still very aware of my own addictive tendencies. The difference may be only that I have discovered my power through Christ to decline the addictions and live a life that I choose.

**I understand where it can seem that there is no choice really and in someways that is so. Because if Christ does not exist and laws do not exist, which means God does not exist then there is little reason for me to curtail my wants of the moment because this is all there is. But my heart and soul tell me that is the great lie. “This” time and existence, as we call it, is little more than a hologram in my mind. Only God is real at this point, even though we, in fact, are eternal beings. Christ is the great I Am in that”

Whew, that was a mouthful! and it would be the truth I still hold to if I had not discovered that there is more to the picture of the world than meets the natural eye.

I have had my mind opened to understand that Christ is indeed the Creator of this world. I am not speaking of a single being such as Jesus when I speak of Christ. I am speaking of the whole of Creation, each of Us being a significant part. Lucifer/Satan is a part as well. Lucifer means Light and how do we see light if not by the contrast of shadow. He is not the enemy we have thought Him to be. He, likewise remember, is a Creation of Christ. Each of us have the ability to be the Light or the Contrast that witnesses of the Light, or Christ, but remember it is He who is the Creator of this World and Beyond.

There is more to come about my discoveries as I enter these corrected (20, can you imagine, drafts). I am excited to share what I believe will be Consciousness changing discoveries!

First a couple more notes about this particular entry from four years ago. (Please note the asterisks in the paragraphs above.):

*I still believe that this is very true for those of us who live by our ego.

**I still believe that this is the best that one can do….from the ego’s perspective. The challenge and true sorrow of it is that it has the tendency to create a hierarchy that has us believe that we are different or higher/lower, worse than/better than each other. The truth is that we are all on the same plane as Creations of a/The God.

Till next time, love to all, God bless, and Namaste.




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A Human Love Story…

I recently finished reading the autobiographies of the two people who acted as scribes for A Course In Miracles, Helen Shucman, PhD. and William Thetford, Ph.D. Helen’s visions and the possibility of prior lives that they may have shared, gives me reason to reflect on the relationship they had here, especially in what is recorded in the last few years of Helen’s life for both of them.( and )

Yes, I do accept the idea that re-incarnation is a possibility, but I also believe that these lives are not truly life and that they are more like dreams that seem like they are linear, but are really all happening simultaneously. I know it is not a typical LDS/Mormon teaching, but I am open to the possibility. I have always had an open mind about reality, meaning I knew there were things beyond our senses that were true. Throughout my life I have been willing to accept that this is our life, personal events, especially this past decade, have challenged everything I based that on.

I have experienced enough of life, pain, and everybody’s idea of what is going on, to be willing to go inside and find out what I believe.

I believe in God and His Son and His love for us. I believe in the family organization of humanity. I believe that this is the form of organization that our Heavenly Father, who is the originator of all that is, would want us to have. Yes, that means that I believe in a man and a woman head up the family as a single unit. I believe that the Creator and His Son have female counterparts that are equal in their strength, power, and benevolence.

I started this blog to teach of the truths that Jesus Christ professed and to show that He has taught us what we need to reach our potential. I also believe there are many ways to come to God; His teachings are unsurpassed in my opinion and have the most direct course and greatest hope of receiving the greatest extent of our potential. He is the example that I follow, ponder, admire, and desire to emulate.

I have always been interested in the relationship between a man and a woman since forever and I plan on working on this issue till I die and then some no doubt. I have spent the last 8 years solo, but that does not mean that I have not had plenty of encounters to add to my research materials.

Okay, back to the two on my mind tonight, Helen and Bill. In various ways they obviously have agreed to work out the concept of loyalty and commitment. From the first, linearly anyway, as the priestess who lived in a community that believed that her power come through the red stone that was in her crown. If stolen, the only way her power could be restored was to take the life of the thief, which she refused to do and condemned herself to die. That is a story of human compassion and personal integrity, as well as symbolic of the challenge he presented to her throughout time, from what I can tell. Even in this incarnation they played a similar role as he sought to persuade her into the spirituality realm instead of honoring her and her own cognoscente inner voice. He never quite caught the spirit of the work from what I can tell and seemed a bit put off when Ken Wapnick stepped in to fill that role in bringing forth the work they had. It is almost like he was her perpetual “thorn in the side”, yet she honored him and a commitment that spanned over several lifetimes. Not many of us get to have awareness of the ties that bind us to certain individuals who come into our lives.

What strikes me powerfully in that first incarnation she spoke of is her attitude and thoughts as she is stripped of her priestess robes and set outside the gates of the city to face the desert and her death. She said she was angry with herself for having spared the life of a thief and giving up her own. The real sorrow in this is that she did not receive the gift that she had given herself, which was to give up her life for another, by being angry about it and not recognizing the joy in it and the falsity that this life is. Something tells me that she probably struggled in that same way during this lifetime.

I want to say that Helen says she puts no interpretation to her visions or dreams but was only relaying what she had experienced, so the interpretation that they are other lives that they shared is mine, as are the opinions expressed about them here.

Then there was the one incarnation where she was a female, light skinned slave who bought her freedom by walking away from her husband (causing him difficulties she did not define) and who “trusted her without good reason”. According to Helen’s words she used sexual favors to trade with white man for her freedom. Trust was the issue here again. Isn’t that what is essential in a relationship, the glue that holds two people together? Was it his trust in her temporal relationship with him that was put to the test or was it her trust in herself to see to her own survival? Does one truly supersede the other? At first glance, it seems a matter of betrayal, but I am not so sure.

We are taught in the scriptures that the greatest thing that man can do is lay down his life for another. We are also taught to love the other as ourselves. I have struggled with this concept throughout my Christian walk as a survivor of childhood abuses. Is another person’s survival of greater value than mine? Do it unto others you have done it unto me. I am a child of God. Am I not just as valuable as another life form? Is it an extension of the theme of consuming guilt of the ego in ACIM taken on not only for the separation from God but for the destruction of the other over the self? The concept appears much deeper than I first supposed.

One might ask, “When someone breaks trust does that mean that there is true separation in the family of man”? I suggest that it is not so, even with the evidence laid out to suggest it. We have been taught what God has joined together let not man put asunder. I suggest that it simply could never be even though man has a gazillion ways to make it appear otherwise. I believe that mankind has the ability to create the illusion that separation has occurred with others, just as he created the illusion that he had separated from God. God’s understanding and God’s truth are not man’s.

In this incarnation and others it seems Helen and Bill ran the gambit of what a relationship could tolerate or do to itself. Even in this lifetime she accepted the employment position with the inner witness that she would save him in accepting it, supposedly by helping him put the psychiatric department in order under his direction. Even though not spiritually inclined, she trusted an inner message.

It is interesting to me that in this life she did not give credence to spiritual things even though she was obviously an example of just that in the channeling of Jesus to receive A Course In Miracles. I suspect that has more to do with her inability to accept the world’s or society’s interpretation, specifically the terminology given her academic inclination, of spirituality from either the direction of spiritualists in her day (mainly 1930-1970’s) or Christianity’s. When man seeks to organize a way of life, he puts definitions and interpretations on even the most simple and true principles, and in so doing can distort the divine interpretation.

Bill was the one capable of accepting the spiritual or at least psychic side of the experience, but, from what I know at this time not having yet read Ken’s recording of her history, it was Ken Wapnick that would have the Biblical background to be able to resonate with what Helen felt about A Course In Miracles. I also get the feeling from Bill’s recordings is that he had a deep love for Helen that came a shade close to possessiveness and it was not put to rest before her death. I note this due to the statement that he chose not to see her the last year of her life though they spoke on the phone nearly daily.

From page 41 of Bill’s autobiography: “I wasn’t that fond of Helen, but there was a deep love that continued in spite of everything. It had nothing to do with anything. It seemed to represent our joining in union and cooperation. We tried to do something that transcended our egos. That was the thing that seemed real, the only thing that seemed to really persist. Once having done that there was no breaking away from it. It was a commitment that went on forever. If love is eternal, when you make that kind of commitment, you have made it. It doesn’t have anything to do with the usual things about commitments. It all seemed so confusing at times. Love and hate, patience and disaster, everything was all jumbled up.” I mean come on, if that is not a description of my relationships (and I am talking about marriages) I do not know what is!

I sense that his ego enjoyed the 7 years they spent preparing the work and my womanly intuition feels that he reveled in their discoveries and their intimacy on an intellectual, emotional, and spiritual level. It was one that she did not share with her husband, as his interest in ACIM did not really happen till after her death. In my walk on earth as pertains to men, I have come to believe that a serious relationship with a man does not need to be physical to have the qualities that I value in what I call an eternal relationship, meaning marriage. It is no wonder this bonding would have occurred, considering the obvious exclusivity they must have had because of the power of the new information in the work they were bringing forth. At the least, they had a terrific sense of united purpose in this work and it took significant stamina and commitment with all the obstacles including their work load and other obligations.

Her childhood also, seemed to prepare her for a more casual relationship with her husband; the way that she was taken care of on personal level by a governess rather than her mother, as well as her father’s austere and non-personal demeanor. This would have made room for the more passionate or emotional intensity to be found in the world of her career.

Does it not stand to reason that the healthy and real relationship (called Holy Instant in ACIM) would need a mental decision to serve the true and higher self come what may and at any cost? I believe these two people had this in so many ways.

They may not have understood the significance of their personal relationship or the power of it as an example of what their life’s work would help us to reach, and yet, I do believe they had an inkling. This relationship may well be one of the more powerful in showing me what the order of mankind is to be before the world. And the journey continues for self discovery, forgiveness, and unity with the children of men who have forgotten they are children of God foremost.

Till next time,

Have courage and remember that love conquers fear every time; we do not have to waste our energies with the former. It is our choice. Thank you Heavenly Father for that truth, in Jesus name, amen.


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The Sting of Someone’s Comment…

It seems like, even today, at nearly 60 years old, when I feel good about a task or a choice I have made someone who is a person of trust, a friend or an authority figure, will come up and tell me that I messed up and it nearly cripples me inside. It seems as if the message is basically suggesting I have no business being happy.
It really has been a common theme throughout my life. What I am recognizing is that I can take charge of the energy and charge their words or attitudes have on me. I now know that those attitudes come from them and they show how the person feels about themselves, not about me as it would appear at first.
This is a huge part of the illusion that we live in thinking that we are influenced by what is outside of us and this is a deep topic so do not get unnerved by it….though it is unnerving isn’t it. Rather, they are projecting their own lack of self worth on to me in the form of a criticism and I am only now beginning to figure out how to get out from under the attack without just withdrawing from them. It is important to understand that these kinds of projections come back on those who send them out in a long term sense. I do not believe in a permanent hell, but I do believe that these are the things that will bind us, these criticisms and attacks on others, because we do not realize that it is ourselves that we are attacking.
That is not to say that words and attitudes of others do not hurt, but it does help to understand the nature of existence in the scheme of things so that one does not desire to return the attack and thus continue the abuse upon himself. There are many tools that will allow us to release the emotional trauma that we have been given at others behavior or lack. They can allow us to feel like an integral part of humanity as we forgive others and keep ourselves emotionally in a safe place. Over time the sting of someone’s critical opinion will have little impact but to be a reason to offer them forgiveness and even to allow divine guidance to offer healing in the form of self love.
This will come as we grow in the experience of being true to ourselves and acknowledging when we have been attacked hurt and finding a way to express that this is what happened. Two of the techniques that I am using as I am training my psyche to understand I am not my body are Emotional Freedom Technique, which is also known as tapping, and Energy Medicine as taught by Donna Eden.
I had been exposed to both modalities for many years but it is only the last year or two that I have done tapping on a regular basis and I have just begun the energy medicine work with great results.
I want to mention another experience that I had concerning the body and emotions and how even though we know certain truths to be true we may have body reactions. I experienced this the other day when I typed a sentence about my daughter being dead. Even now my energy shivers and quakes. I know she lives and I know that this is illusion and yet I must have compassion for my body and for others suffering. Knowing this is not real does not relieve us from trauma, nor does it make us less accountable for having compassion towards others. Jesus said to mourn with those who mourn. We are not to jump up and down and claim, “It just isn’t so”. In this sphere we need to exercise compassion and mercy and those things that he taught us about because we are needful of those things ourselves.
Thank you Heavenly Father for giving us this capacity and for our use of it.
In Jesus Name
Till next time,
Posted in About Me, Family of Mankind, Freedom's Core, Learning To Fly, Personally..., Power of the Laser, Testimony | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Where I Am and Some Of What Got Me Here …Part 2

I will continue with where I am in my studies at this time though it will NOT be all-inclusive of the many things that I consider and ponder. Where I live right now is like sitting on the back of a fire breathing dragon and with very little weaponry save a broken heart and a contrite spirit. I know that I have not only the ability but the responsibility to tame the dragon. Caution is required because I do not desire to destroy or seek vengeance but to calm and sing the mighty dragon into an awakening, quite the opposite of the sleep of death one might think would be required.

I do not seek the accolades of man but the meaning of the word of God, wherever I find it. Since I joined The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter day Saints (for whom I do not speak) and maybe even before I have been seeking to retrain my brain. So really the wonderful avenues of study that have been given to me the past few years are right in line with that endeavor.

A Course In Miracles is a channeling of Jesus to a non-Christian woman and a man who was likewise. I study this on my own, not with or through others. I have not been familiar with channeling that I recall, other than the case study of Private Dowling during my NDE studies. (Recently I have seen other channelings and I do not support or feel the same way with all that I have witnessed, especially concerning Jesus, even though the numbers are limited.) The first two channelings mentioned do seem sincere to me.

In ACIM there were many things that were already taught to me by the Holy Ghost/Spirit in my personal circumstances, so when I came upon Jamie Butler’s channeling of Jesus on You Tube I was intrigued. I have said before that I watched that video repeatedly and I still reflect on it.

Not unlike my experience with ACIM I felt the prompting to look into the other works she did. Cautiously at first, with prayer and listening, I found myself engaged in the blog of Dr Medhus and the 5 years of archives. I have read them and followed the links at the end of the blogs that are recorded. My heart and mind have been stretched and exposed to different ideas and perspectives. I feel as if I have been in the hearts and minds of others (many quite well known). I feel as if my sense of the world has expanded to include multitudes of galaxies and dimensions as well.

I hope to record my reflections on the Channeling Erik blog through the lens of the gospel as I do my NDE study. I plan on putting my NDE studies into book form once I get my personal story out there.

I feel that it needs to be said that I do not desire psychic ability, of which channeling is a part, although I do believe that we all have and are capable of psychic ability. The empathability and cognitive awareness that I have of humanity leaves me a bit shy in the world, not so much because of what they can do to me but because of what I understand about them and my awareness that I am such a threat to those who wish to hold on to the delusion of this world. I also feel that the telling of my story must happen before those gifts are opened up to me. I have had limited expression of them in the past but, again, I really feel my story must be expressed soon and first. Before it is lost because as I grow it does not affect me as much and it is losing its ability to influence my day to day actions. I do want it recorded how I got to this place. Not that others need to follow in my footsteps but to testify that it is possible. I believe this is a responsibility we all have; to record our journey of awareness and awakening.

I do want to give extreme caution to those who would consider viewing Dr Medhus, Channeling Erik blog. You will find course language and vulgarity, mainly from Dr Medhus and from her son, though I believe what comes from her son, especially of late, is to make her feel comfortable that it is him and at times I sense his frustration on it needing to be that way. My opinions may not be correct, but I feel I would be negligent in not stating them since her work is so much a part of me now. You will also find all manner of attitudes about death and about life on her blog.

Many people who comment on the blog have spiritual and emotional issues….truly, who of us doesn’t….most have lost loved ones, some very recently, myself included, and I have seen it stated that they felt brought to the blog by their passed loved one as I did…however the General Authorities of the church say that we are to stay away from those who use bad language and what not. So I am not going to encourage it as a member of the church.

I just know that for me and my kin and what I need work on in this life this was and is a significant reading and education for me. I mean if I can go to a Brigham Young University class on anything and be instructed to read a testimonial of a man in a prison being raped, I think I can have the right to read this blog and learn what the Holy Ghost would have me learn. (Yes, that did actually happen around 2009 or 10. I am not trying to be crass but don’t tell me Mormon means Pollyanna.)

I also am nervous because my verbiage can be very raw sometimes. Right now I am actually nearing the feeling of embarrassment for studying her work. Recently her lack of discretion, human decency, and courtesy has been very evident. I understand that she is a mother in mourning but that does not give her the right to invade in peoples space, whether they are living or dead. Her desire to bring her son to nearly the position of savior of the world is, well, embarrassing also, while she shuns the divinity and calling of Jesus. I can have empathy and understanding but that does not mean that it is right.

She is the one who seems to like the raw with no compassion, the dirty, the course, even asking a serial killer who cannibalized his victims what part of the body he best liked eating. Jamie was obviously distressed and expressed that and Dr Medhus just plowed right over her. You might ask why I not take this directly to her. For one thing I do not believe she would hear. And the other is that she has made her work public and I do not wish to interfere with what she feels she needs to do. It occurs to me that she may just be trying too hard to make it work and to be non-judgmental, which on its own is very commendable.

There are immense things on a psychological/spiritual level to be discovered in her work. I have been able to gain a lot of insight. Non-judgment, is key here, of course. So why am I even commenting on my uncomfortable feelings? Because I still live in the world and at least partial judgment is required in this sphere. I am not judging her as an individual other than to say I believe that she is confused and misguided if she thinks that making light of the dark side of things will bring others into the light. I do believe that is a lot of what Erik thought, in the beginning anyway. I can tell by his words though, that he is being taught by the true source of light and will guide us without the brashness if she will allow him. I am thinking of his use of the old English word “hence” that was noted in her first book, My Son And The Afterlife, for example where he says he is doing away with the foul language. She is working on a second with him about his life after his passing; maybe I will be proved wrong.

What I am seeing now however reminds me a bit of the paparazzi in chasing down the celebrities that will put her and her son in the limelight and give him credibility by one-upping the competition. This feeling primarily comes from the recent interview with the young woman who was killed by an extremist group. She had only passed a few days before and was tending to her own transition and enduring what she was seeing her family go through. Was there peace offered in this to anyone? Do you really think her family was searching for that kind of confirmation? I suspect they are in a form of shocked relief terror that will take some time to work through. It makes me sad for Dr Medhus. Perhaps Dr Medhus was seeking to give comfort but there is a part of me that says this is not so.

I have studied her work, as I do all studies anymore, looking for what the Holy Ghost would have me understand about myself and my relationship to God and other people and this world at large. She has shared that she comes from an abusive background as do I, and in that, I understand the lack of healthy boundaries. As I write this, I reflect on my own issues in this area.

I say these things here as a warning or precaution about the work and so many things that the world, especially the internet, offers today. Please listen to that still small voice and when the caution signal comes up heed it and proceed with caution and when the signal says “run” or “drop it” do not be afraid to do so.

That having been said, I believe that anyone would find much food for thought here. The obvious question to me is “do I believe that she is actually communicating with her son”. I have to say that I do. Do I believe everything she talks about, no, but I am open to many possibilities. I can say that I have found greater understanding by reading her blog and I am very grateful for that. The bantering between the three has taught me a lot about our relationship with the other side and about our relationships here. I will speak more on this another time. I definitely proceed with caution and the red flags are up and I may just drop and run away with what I have and leave it alone because dark things cloud our minds and weaken our common sense and mourning is one of those kinds of things. In the meantime I will also offer prayers on her behalf.

I am thinking of my interactions on her Facebook support pages. I have limited the content that I see on one of them so that I do not feel impressed to comment as often. I do not feel the concepts of Jesus are not welcome there by Dr Medhus, the lady who manages the pages, or Jamie. Erik would welcome the conversation I think, if it was approached in proper context. My confidence in God is great and I tend to have the impact of water or fire on people. I either inspire them to grow or cause them to go deeper into the shadows. I try to temper my ways and even back way up when I sense that they choose the shadows. My goal is to lift others, not to create a greater burden on them. I take it one day at a time.

I have decided to ask for an interview with my bishop to let him know what I am speaking about on this blog. I currently carry a temple recommend and I want to have that in good faith. The things I will be writing about in the future may well be controversial, especially with regards to the teachings of the church and the counsel to stay in safe places. I believe the challenge is that there are no real safe places on the earth and someone with the heart of Christ needs to journey among our brethren and find the threads that remind us of our kinship, because just as we cannot be saved without our dead (meaning our ancestors), I also, personally believe that we cannot be saved without our brothers and sisters with who we live in this current (and all) generation(s). I will accept removal from the church rolls if I must, before I will stop my work and witness though, I would continue to keep my covenants, for those with God and not with man.

I also will not in any way tell the General Authorities, including the Prophet, how to manage the affairs of the church. That is not my responsibility. My responsibility is to keep my covenants and bring all truth into the church according to the timing of the Lord by seeking it wherever it may be. Sadly, yet I suppose at this point in time understandably, we are not allowed to speak of these things at church. I did hear a wonderful talk by a young man on angels recently, though, and our church is based on miraculous manifestations. I know and trust the bishop will be led as the Lord would have him proceed at this time. And I will accept it gracefully.

I have a witness of the Holy Ghost/Spirit and I know, as I know God lives and loves us, that I must continue the work and leave it in Gods hands whatever the outcome may be.

Till next time, God Bless, in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.     ~Namaste~


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Where I Am and Some Of What Got Me Here …Part 1

She said, “It’s only a movie, it is not real.” I had always been queasy when it came to movies. Reality and fiction where difficult for me to discern from my early youth. What my step mother did not know or at least express to me was that life is more unreal than it is real as well. At least in the way that we see it now. It does not always need to be this way. And I dare to say it will not always be this way. The word of God testifies of this.

God has the power to transmute the illusion that the united consciousness of man has formed into truth and wholeness, restored to the beauty the Creator intended through His messenger, the Holy Ghost/Spirit. This having been said, the spiritual and psychological journey that we may undertake in this sphere is phenomenal. The freedom that I speak of is to be found in that pursuit. The true freedom of mankind is not in his circumstance but in the recesses of his heart and mind as he awakens to his connection with the divine.

New Year’s 2014 I took on a different attitude. I embraced NOW, N=not the illusion, O=all encompassing, and W=the upside down M representing to me the millennium being brought on our/my bringing heaven to earth. It created for me a foundation that would help me endure another very challenging year.

I remember another year that was similar in many ways, that started with a prompting to do a thankful journal. That year saw a rift between a daughter and I that would prove to be unremovable for some 20 years and counting. Such was the price I would pay to allow her agency and freedom. Following the prompting, kept me in touch with my truth, that all things have a positive purpose before God and that He will lift us up to Him as we acknowledge Him through gratitude for all we experience.

My focus on the millennium reminded me that people of all faiths who were righteous would be allowed to rebuild the world, to restore it to its paradisaical  glory (such as before the fall of man from paradise-today I can visualize even beyond that state). To embrace this factor it would be necessary to open my heart and my mind to interact with people’s of differing beliefs in a positive way.

You might say that I had actually begun this in earnest in 2013 when I had what seemed to be an insatiable appetite for NDE study. There are many such accounts on You Tube but I had found a site that had over 3000 accounts already streamlined and answering specific questions that intrigued me. I collected over 1000 pages of info (and I only read 600 accounts) that I look forward to reviewing because I believe they pertain to important spiritual things and they do not come from strictly the LDS, or Mormon, perspective which is the faith structure that I had been living by for 30 years.

Hay House did a web summit, in early 2014 I believe, that I viewed and in it Dr Dyer spoke of things that Jesus taught, which I recognized from my personal scripture study. He would reference a book that he had studied and I felt the prompting to look into it. It was A Course In Miracles. Finding that book and studying it saved my psychological health in my opinion because it witnessed of truths that the Holy Spirit had taught me over the years and magnified them. It literally gave me a platform to hold on to my sanity, that along with my foundation in the word of God and the gospel of Jesus Christ, especially when I was informed by the Holy Ghost/Spirit that my eldest daughter would die and I would have no power to stop it. (Again, the cost of allowing agency and freedom. They are true and correct principles that not even God, Himself will trespass. Sadly, she did pass this past June. I cannot express the disbelief and horror that floods me as I type that.)

I am currently on my second read of ACIM. I am doing the workbook and have just passed the 100 day mark. Even having read it through prior, I am astounded at the depth of its instruction this second time. I am so grateful for my exposure and witness of the standard works of Christianity before coming to this book. The opinions in the world could easily confuse, delude, and distract an individual, if not cause outright insanity in the reading as it literally shows how insane we truly are as a people, particularly at this point in our evolution.

There is a richness and fullness here in ACIM that I cannot ignore. I hunger and thirst after it. I listen along the way to the whisperings of the Holy Ghost/Spirit and watch for that which would trick or sidetrack me. These are things that I know the ego or, as I used to say, the adversary would have us get stuck in. Everything is so real and yet it is all illusion and truly only my delusional mind or thoughts in so many ways. Let’s just say I proceed with caution and faith that I will be guided by the Holy Ghost/Spirit, the Lord, and Heavenly Father in all things.

During this time, I have continued my studies in the standard works of Christianity and Mormonism. My church attendance is getting more challenging because of distance and funds and the inability to express what I am learning in the gospel. This has always been the case at church; it is just that now, I really do have the confidence to know that I know what I am talking about and that it is important for us to look at these things as a human race. The church environment just does not allow us to talk to each other at this point unless we are quoting General Authorities, but what is that in preserving or preparing a people who know and love the Lord? Where is freedom and individuality if we only mimic and quote others? Even in mimicking or following Jesus we are to do so in spirit not in actuality and walk to the well looking for the Samaritan woman.

I know I am where I am supposed to be though; when I considered moving here to be moral support for family I knew I may need to forfeit church attendance. It just so happened that the lessons at church taught me that if I could go through that difficulty with them, I could endure what I needed to help my family, which is my main stewardship.

He has given me a year to acclimate to my surroundings while being able to get to church and I do have a couple of callings which I honor from a distance. I try my best to get there for sacrament, but it seems health care has taken a priory on getting gas to be able to get to church. Oh well, He knows I would if I could. In truth, I have hardly missed any entirely as yet, but it is a struggle.

My daily studies are intense and regular and include at least the Book of Mormon, if not all of the standard works along with ACIM, the Ensign, and journaling. My circumstances do not allow regular temple attendance though I long for it. On my to-do list is a better involvement in my personal history and genealogy work. Currently I feel pressed to do this psychological work that supports my sanity and keeps me out of the dark tunnels of suicide and overwhelming grief and that takes priority.

My work involves EFT, which for me has taken a form of prayer, my studies, and the writing which bears witness of the spiritual/psychological journey that I am taking. I must confess that many days I fight to maintain the basics of living and getting to work and home and am grateful when it is accomplished. My hope and faith is in the gospel of Jesus Christ and in his direction and guidance; that allows me hope and light as I continue the journey.

I long for personal communication with living beings but that is very shallow and difficult except with an occasional one or two. To alter someone’s perception is a serious matter and to do so before they are ready may cause a lot of harm and so I wait and study and pray and write and I say the Lord’s prayer and leave my brothers and sisters in the hands of the Lord.

I am in good company though because I am in the presence of the Lord and those who have passed who have known Him. They encourage me and strengthen me and remind me of who I am and what I was called to do. What we were ALL called to do…

In part two I will be exposing some new things I have been studying and the challenges that I have met. The die is cast, I know the road I need to travel, at least for the foreseeable future. May God grant me the ability to share what He would have me share and the courage to not shun the task. Remember, “it’s only a movie”. 😉

Till then, God Bless, In Jesus Name







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