Universal Reading 17 December through 23 December 2018

20 Review and Contemplation
You have accomplished much. You are at a point of choosing who you are going to be. Be true to who you are and do not just follow convention. Reflect on the past and present with compassion and you will understand your purpose and calling.
In my heart it is to acknowledge The Christ in all I see and forgive the Guilty Conscience that believes shame and punishment are His reward. I declare His innocence and shout Hallelujah to The Father for His Deliverance. I choose not to participate in the conventions that glorify His demise and dismissal.

2 Go Within
Breathe. Take time in meditation and prayer. Be patient in what seems to be happening. Manifestation comes after the witness. Your dreams may help you sort things out. Do not be concerned about taking action right now. Listen to and trust your emotions and intuition, you will not be steered in the wrong direction. Believe in the kindness and wisdom, you are being directed.

Guardian of Thought
“You may be called upon to be a spokesperson for a cause that is close to your heart. Your angels will give you the perfect words, and you’ll do brilliantly. You may be asked to be a mentor or find one yourself. This situation involves someone who’s professional, with a positive attitude and fresh ideas. This person (who could be you) may be emotionally unavailable.”
How I wish I could have a chance to share what I understand about the essence of man! As I was preparing to read this one and write it up I was thinking about my children and how I can no longer be there in traditional ways. If there was a death I would be useless because how I think is so different from where they are currently and that hurt me deeply. Reading this card, though, tells me I may have a greater purpose than being there in the moment of trauma. Emotionally unavailable, not because I do not care, but because I do and I believe there are answers to these questions humanity has and I will do my part to reveal them.
What do you have to share with us? Your voice is needed. The supposed cost is only part of the dream/illusion. You cannot lose what never was and what God has joined together cannot be torn apart. Nothing can truly separate us; nothing.

Two of Action
With the cards that came with this about going within and understanding how thought is so powerful I suspect this card may be advising us to be careful who we join with in our endeavors. You need not fulfill someone else’s life purpose. Know that you are not alone, ever. Continue your work and watch for someone who has a purpose that is inline with where you know your heart is guiding you. Have a worldview, but do not be pulled off your path. Again, there is no rush, patience is a virtue in the long run.
As a species we are reflecting on where we have been, what we have tolerated, and where we want to go. We are headed in the right direction.
Prayer and meditation will give you opportunity to hear your own voice, do not be afraid of it and do not be discouraged because things are not moving along as quickly as you want them to. There is order in all things.
Do not be afraid to find ways to professionally share your message. The world needs to hear from you now.
There may be others who understand and can walk beside you on your path. Do not be afraid to walk away from those with whom you will butt heads because they are taking care of another part of the vineyard. Nothing wrong with being independent if that is where you find yourself.

Till next time, God Bless, Namaste~

Posted in Family of Mankind, Universal Readings | Tagged , | Leave a comment


Today I wish to start a regular study of A Course In Miracles.
I will be utilizing the URTEXT.
I will copy short references here and comment on them.
Be forewarned that I read this text quite differently from others.
Helen Schuckman and William Thetford, the main scribes of the work whose author identified himself as Jesus of Nazareth took on the project not as Christians, but as psychologists looking for the keys to why humanity was not able to get along.
Kennith Wapnick was a third person to have a lot to do with editing and making the work readable.
In the reading of their history I prefer to use the pre-edited text. Urtext means the original text as noted in The American Heritage College Dictionary, 2007.
I approach ACIM as a follower of Jesus since the age of 4 and perhaps before. He led me to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints at 27 years of age and I took my spiritual walk very seriously, not that I did not stumble plenty along the way.
I bring what I learned from the Holy Spirit about my life and about the gospel of Jesus Christ to this study.
I also bring a sincere “layman’s” study into this study, as I have sought to understand the workings of the mind and how to process the messages in my own head and heart so that they were what I understood to be the will of The Father of Christ. In this I have become very aware of the levels of consciousness under which we function as human beings. This may be the most poignant part of why I read ACIM different than others.
Today I can say “Fred Christ” or “Sally Christ” just as easily as I can say “Jesus Christ” and I do so in my prayers for others.
Disclaimer: You may consider me simply an old woman trying to come to terms with what I perceive as my own errors and the errors of the world around me, seeking justification to all the injustice and harm I have placed on the world. Or you can walk with me and see how I process what I consider to be one of the greatest works humanity has ever known.
I am excited about this journey together.
Lets begin.

“It is crucial to say first that this is a required course.
Only the time you take it is voluntary.
Free will does not mean that you establish the curriculum.
It means only that you can elect what to take when.
It is just because you are not ready to do what you should elect to do that time exists at all. (You will see miracles thru your hands thru me. You should begin each day with the prayer “Help me to perform whatever miracles you want of me today.”)”


I have seen conflicting ideas on the very first sentence. Some have suggested the requirement was purely for Helen and Bill, however I strongly feel that this course is a requirement for all humanity.

That is not to say that these very words must be studied, for the Holy Spirit taught me many of the principles which I have found here before I found this particular book.

I believe, therefore, that all must pass through this course in comprehension of their place in the atonement and salvation of humanity.

“Only the time you take it is voluntary.” Time seems to be the decisive or only variable.

The recommended daily prayer at the bottom was removed from subsequent editions. I find that disconcerting. Jesus makes it clear that the work of miracles that will be done will be done in a unified manner that begins with him (only because he happened to be the first and the “assigned one” to remind us all of this gateway out of our psychological dilemma).

Here, in illusion of separation, context of hierarchy has been taught when referring to Jesus and this is something that we want to guard ourselves from when considering spiritual things. This, perhaps more than anything, explains the prayer’s exclusion.

There is no “greater than”, we are all of The Son of God. Anything less will fall short of taking mankind into its destiny, which is deliverance from illusion and into remembrance of the Love of God, The Father.

I know that this is in direct conflict with the teachings of many Christians, especially those who follow the General Authorities in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. This is one of the specific reasons that I no longer consider myself a member there and I definitely do not speak on their behalf or as a representative of their teaching.

That being said I cannot pretend that they have not been a significant influence on who I am today and I am grateful for the things I learned through the Spirit while in their company for thirty years. Thus, I find myself an outsider and I am okay with this. There is no religious circle that I may truly identify with and that is just fine.

I will add a personal footnote here that I play with the day dream of attending the church when I return to Washington in the hopes of catching a glimpse of my brother and his family that I have not had the privilege of knowing throughout my life. I can see myself there occasionally or perhaps for a General Conference to hear what is being taught at this time to the masses that Jesus sought to preserve through this vehicle. Their doctrine teaches that all truth will come under its mantle.

I have no reason to believe the truths I understand would be welcome there at all (at this time) and so I will keep a healthy, intellectual distance. My opinion remains that this church was established by Jesus to allow his influence to be felt and the nurturing of those he so dearly loves to continue, even if it is with limited sight along the way. “They must be given milk first”. This is the most that any of us may do as long as we, even in part, fancy the idea that we exist outside of God.

How I wish I had this info when I was raising my children in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints under the auspice of free-agency. I am not sure that it would have made a difference but it would have made a lot more sense. The “free” part being only that we each decide the time and where we learn the truth.
Just to clarify, I believe the concepts presented within ACIM to be definitive of humanity’s purpose. This is also the purpose of time as noted. “It is just because you are not ready to do what you should elect to do that time exists at all.”
Some choices are mandatory. i.e. “what you should elect to do”. I am inclined to believe that there are many of us that have multiple lifetimes here before we understand this.
I believe this statement can be confusing. “You will see miracles thru your hands thru me.” What confuses us is the pronouns. First of all, we are all one so to even use pronouns is to be a part of the illusion. The “me” that Jesus is referring to here is the Christ that we all are, himself included. In other words as we perform the miracles that it will be that part of us that is truth and those who recognize and witness in this truth will be joining with us because we are one Son in reality.

Next comes the 50 points about miracles. I will be exploring them only a few at a time.

Till next time, God Bless, Namaste~

Posted in Learning To Fly, Out of the Best Books, Urtext ACIM A Study With Yvonne | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

Universal Reading 10 Dec – 16 Dec 2018

Universal Reading
For the week of December 10 through December 17, 2018.
Animal Tarot Cards by R. V..

Queen of Winter
“All your life experiences have prepared you for this moment of truth!
It’s time to declutter your home, clear away situations that aren’t working for you anymore, and disengage from people who create more drama than happiness.”
As you do this understand that you are able to truly walk away from no one. We are all One. We affect one another and our thoughts toward one another, even if separated, effect one another. Nothing can interfere with this. It is an eternal, universal truth.
So, as you declutter, be sure to do it with love.
Share your unneeded belongings with someone who will benefit from them and give them with joy.
Let go of the entanglements of relationships that are sour and do so as gently as possible while sending forgiveness and positive energy as you go your seemingly separate ways.
Do not hold onto the baggage of a grudge. Lay it in the lap of Christ’s Guilty Conscience and forgive the innocent Son of God for believing He needs to suffer.
Let the Holy Spirit transmute your emotions. You might send them into the earth where she may likewise transmute them into something positive in the world.
This suit happens to represent thoughts. This is where what you choose to do really matters.
Humor that is insightful and generous good-nature helps you be resilient, like the leopard.

King of Winter
Humpback Whale
“At this time it’s very important that you communicate clearly, be objective, and act as professionally as possible.
If you need advise, seek out the most experienced expert you can find.”
Be impartial and unemotional.
Wow, this reminds me of what I am doing with my writing. Though the content could be powerfully emotional, I am able to write it the way I am because I am being impartial.
It is just a story. An awareness is is different than being entangled or even engaged in something.
Your life is just a story that you agreed with Christ’s Guilty Conscience to fulfill. Joys or sorrows, you materialized are “simply” His desire to be punished for an impossible transgression.
Now utilize what you have learned from life to deliver The Son.
Prove His innocence by letting go of all misconceived notions about life and let Spirit guide you into the light.
Once again this is thought process. Whales are thought to be able to communicate with other whales thousands of miles away, even as they are considered rather solitary in their life styles.
What you are thinking is sending vibrational currents throughout the world.
And you do not even need to know what you are thinking to be doing so. This is why seeking to understand yourself is one of life’s greatest opportunities and rewards.

Eight of Winter
“It’s so easy to convince yourself that you’re trapped when you really aren’t. Trust that God will lift you to new heights and give you greater self-confidence if you affirm your freedom.”
Along the same lines as the other two cards and Winter/Thought as well.
Maybe the letting go in relationships has more to do with where we think we are rather than where we truly are. What if we spoke freely (and kindly) as ourselves and let “nature take its course”? Then do not beat yourself up and second guess yourself if it becomes obvious you need to part company.
Eight is an action number. Perhaps suggesting that our thoughts and actions need to go hand in hand?
Live your life fully moment to moment free of the illusion of the trap, if only in your heart, and sing the song of forgiveness for none can stifle the Son of God.

Six of Autumn
“Your success and prosperity have allowed you to pay off debts, acquire wise loans, or receive a grant or scholarship. In return for Heaven’s blessings, be sure to share the wealth with others through donations of time or money to reputable charities.”
Six is harmony. In ACIM Jesus teaches that giving is receiving. It is important that once you have claimed your own space and identity that you are willing to let others have the same. Abundance is something that is shared and transient, not hoarded and stock-piled.
The Autumn suit is Earth or temporal things. To share our abundance in whatever means we have is to give thanks and witness that we are One and not separate.
Doubt not that you have much to give to the Son of God. Forgiveness itself of the impossible has no monetary equivalent. Time, a smile, a compassionate look or squeeze of the hand, material things, and financial assistance, when able, will simply return to you multiplied. Be sure to give in faith. It is not your responsibility how others use what you share.
The intent of the developer’s of this deck suggest that this card needs to nose about for truth in those you give to. In ACIM we are taught that giving is always done to the self anyway. Do not get caught up in thinking you have to judge other’s intentions.
If your gut says “share this”, then do it. That is an inner guidance given by Spirit that you can trust. Do not worry about the outcome.
Like a writer or any other artist, your responsibility is simply to be your best, which is what the other cards in this reading were asking you to become aware of.

17 The Star
17 = 8 = Action
“You are about to take a big leap forward with your life. Worry will be replaced with optimism, fear with hope…and joy is coming home to roost!”
The orange feathers of the oriole symbolize a positive future on the horizon.
Letting go of the baggage of thoughts that bind you to the false world of separation and challenge will leave you free to see The Son of God in all that you experience.
We are on the verge of stepping into a very beautiful place. Don’t let headlines cause you to tremble and despair. You have not been forgotten and your Heavenly Father desires to bless you. Open your eyes to that witness.

A beautiful message of hope and love for The Son of God, the Christ Consciousness that we are.
Feminine thought in Queen of Winter to put one’s house in order.
Male thought represented in King of Winter understanding our ability to communicate across seemingly large divides.
Then action in our thoughts represented by realizing we are not in the cages we have devised in our minds and trapped as we suppose.
The material manifestation of understanding these principles comes as we share our gifts and talents with those in our realm of influence.
Which I must say, even clarity in our own minds, moves all of us into a higher frequency of compassion and acceptance of self and the Whole.
Then the promise that we are on the path to a brighter future as a society.
Do not confused by outward appearances. It is how we respond to appearances that will make the difference in the world and we are going in the right direction.

This is my witness,
Till next time, God Bless, Namaste~

Posted in Out of the Best Books, Personally..., Power of the Laser | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

A Smile Is Just A Smile or Is it?

There was a young man with a orange wrapping talking about smiles and not worrying. I have looked at this instruction from a lot of directions and I have tried to implement it at various times of my life.

These are some comments that I had thought to put on that post but I want to make it clear that ALL GOOD has its place and should be respected and given thanks for.

So instead, I thought I would put the post here and send out the energy that way.

I wish that the results of a SMILE where always good.
I have learned that deceit can lie behind the smile.
Betrayal. It can hide the one who has sold his soul for the illusions of the world.
As a woman I know that a smile can give others, men and women the wrong impression.
It can give the impression that you are to be used by them to fulfill their fantasies and delusions.
For some of us a smile upon our face is like an invitation for someone to knock it off our faces.
As any child in the presence of unhappy adults can attest to.
Smile has lost its savor for me while we roam in the sphere of mental illusion we are so fond of.
Yet truly one day the Child will be able to smile and The Father will be allowed to show forth His love.
Where will the discoveries come from if we turn away from that which offends and only offer a smile? Jesus said pray for those who spitefully use you. This keeps us aware and, at the same time, hopeful.

Now, I am not against smiling. I am just saying that we ought not to teach it as an end all be all. And let us respect people’s experiences. Sometimes things just hurt. That does not mean they have lost all hope. I wonder if we would not ease the challenges of the world if we were to let people be where they are emotionally? Understanding that Christ is the creator of this world helps us to lay it at His feet and forgive that which simply could not be as well.

We are so loved! This is my witness!

Till next time, God Bless, Namaste~

Posted in Clarification of Terms, Learning To Fly, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Stepping Stones | Tagged , | Leave a comment

Hi there, and a Universal Reading 2 Dec – 9 Dec 2018

2 December 2018
As a human being I am pretty well shot.
There is really no emotional cushion or padding to buffer my negotiations through the world.
It is my faith alone that gives me the ability to continue here among humanity.
Perhaps it always was.
I am a loner.
I do not mind that.
I like my own company.
I have a gift , and I do consider it a gift, of loving others and feeling of their potential and true selves.
I thought about changing the rating on my page.
I have no other intention than to give the world another perspective and if I swear while doing so, that is not going to offend me.
Words are only symbols and if that is the form of expression that needs to be released then so be it.
This has been a powerful year for me.
A lot of extremes and something that I know I have been preparing for throughout my life.
I will think back on the year 2018 as the year the world, and everything in it, died for me.
I do not speak English any longer, so be careful what you make of that statement.
It seems I cannot be in a group of people, or even one on one, and communicate.
We have no common ground, even though we may use the same symbols and language.
It takes listening with one’s heart and eyes and ears to the Spirit to communicate truly.
Most have no desire to take the time for such “Nonsense”.
Do this page will be my platform for my testimony and my work.
I heard it said once that work is love in action and I like to think of what I do in that way.
I did finish a book this year.
Saving Christ; It’s in the Cards
I even sent a book proposal to a publisher, but my journey sucked the heart of me right out from under me and I had no emotional strength left to promote it.
Nonetheless, I will continue as long as I have breath left in this shell.
I hope to complete another by Christmas.
I am not concerned overly about the editing and that may offend some.
I know it is not in my best interest as a marketer of my own goods.
But that is not my objective; the making of a buck that evaporates and needs to be replenished.
My objective is to save a life.
One life.
A life of which we all are a part and to which we all owe all our existence and our devotion.
My faith fits in no singular religion and has components of most of the major religions of which I am aware.
I study continually.
It has become a lifestyle for me.
There is no show I watch or conversation I have or walk I take that does not teach me of eternal principles and the perceptions of humanity and God.
I have another story that must be told of how I got to this place on the other side of the world.
Really the focus will be why, in hindsight, I believe I joined The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (commonly known as Mormons) at 27 years of age and why at 62 I have no place there.
To these things do I commit my life.
As a mother of six live births and numerous grandchildren and great-grandchildren, I do not take on this lifestyle without some uncomfortableness.
I have great compassion and empathy for their circumstances and, while the world would offer me many roads that appear to be of more help to them, I cannot in good conscience veer from the path that I believe the Holy Spirit prepared me for and leads me on.
Like others who have chosen to serve the whole rather than individuals I have no doubt that plenty of derogatory attitudes and statements will come my way.
But as long as the angels sustain me and I have worth here in this shell, I will be about My Father’s Work and will rely on His sustaining Hand.
My gifts are primarily in the kinesthetic and cognoscente realm, with occasional audio that frightened me.
So I am not a seeker of signs and my philosophies and understandings come with a lot of prayer and pondering.
I have learned to trust the witness of the Holy Spirit as my guiding light.
To me sight alone is illusive, whereas the feelings of spirit are true guides.
I am aware that my religious and personal history will be distasteful to some.
My language and my willingness to read Tarot cards, for instant, will turn off many others.
My goal is not to find a demographic I fit in, though I know very well that if I would define an audience I would have a better chance of getting my message out.
I believe it will either be churches or colleges.
Perhaps I would be more suited to the realm of what it looks like when somebody goes off the deep end or takes their faith too seriously.
You know, sort of an example of the “religiously insane”.
It matters not the labels, nor the duration of time I am given.
I know that I know what I know and that it serves you, me, and God to share it by whatever means I am able to.
Everything has already been resolved.
We just have to do our part to wake up to it and then share that witness with others so their path may be lightened and lighter.
I plan to prepare a routine weekly program that may be counted on now that I feel I have a bit more stability in my life emotionally.
I can only do my best and that is what I commit to.
Tsunami’s hit all of us if we live long enough and sometimes that is the norm.
I am talking about emotional tsunami’s.
The more I understand about life the more I believe that it is the norm.
(I do recognize that some of us have physical tsunami’s or horrific criminal tsunami’s. My personal journey has been more on the emotional side so it is to that I will primarily speak.)
I also believe that we have taken on the task voluntarily and that we have the tools, aids, and guides to see to our task.
The body and all of its trappings are the camouflage that we must get through to achieve our divine calling.
It is often referred to as the ego.
This word ego, like God, have some really strong meanings in the minds of those who hear them, but I would ask you to breath and make a space where the Spirit may teach you what I am trying to share, rather than jumping to conclusions and dismissing what I have to share.
There are subtleties that Spirit longs to share with us if we are only willing to give Him a chance.
May God’s will be done and we be able to weather the storm that will kick up as together we endeavor to gently waken the sleeping Christ.
Universal Reading
For the week of December 2 through December 9, 2018.
Archangel Power Tarot Cards by R. V.
Knight of Ariel
There is a lot of work to do, just deal with it.
The details will give us focus and will reveal the plan, each has their part.
We are watched over by the Holy Spirit with benevolence and confidence in our success.
19 The Sun
Life is wonderful!
We thrive through the power of our minds uniting.
We each have the power to inspire success in one another!
Look for, and be aware of
Eight of Ariel
Take pride in doing excellent work!
Perfect practice changes unrewarding habits.
There is always something new to learn.
Keep your eyes and heart open to the possibilities!
King of Gabriel
Keep your eyes on the big picture.
See your experience with the eye of hindsight and magnify your understanding.
Let it inspire the motivation that comes from genuine concern for others.
Personal leadership is expected and wanted.
Do not be afraid of your own creativity or opinions of others.
They may well be looking to you.
20 New Beginnings
Starting a new life.
It begins with you and your choice of perspective.
A forgiving and compassionate review of personal and world past is required to move forward.
This is your moment.
You have been prepared (and preparing) for this very time.
We know there is work and we have a guide.
Take heart, there is joy and the valiant traveler walks in it.
Take pride in excellent skills of observation and assessment, being open to opportunities to grow as directed by your own inner voice.
Set your eyes on the big picture and do not be afraid to lead by directing your own life and thoughts.
You have been prepared for this very moment where the past no longer harms or holds you and possibilities are endless.

Till next time, God Bless, Namaste~

Posted in About Me, Family of Mankind, Personally..., Stepping Stones | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

Universal Reading Wisdom of Avalon ‘Oracle’ 14 November 2018

I wanted to do a universal reading for the Christ Consciousness to see where we are and in hopes of giving comfort to a fearful world. This is who I am today, in my heart. May someone hear it who cares and is willing to look beyond the illusion.

5 Card Spread by Christa-Ann Faith Godsdaughter
1st Restating the Situation
This card questions our means of communication. Who have you felt prompted to contact?
(Curiously, my studies this day found me committing to one form of communication above all others. I posted my notes from my studies below the reading. It speaks of the ultimate attraction of The Father to The Son and how the Holy Instant reveals it and so much more.)

2nd Personal Ego
This card invites you to reach out in love. May I suggest to reach out in remembrance of the love of The Father for the Son? Which is present when you look in the mirror or anywhere else.

3rd United Christ Ego (Christ’s Consciousness, if you will)
This is a reminder that all things change. (In this place of Mystery and Illusion.) It is the unchangeable that we want to seek if we would stand on solid ground wherever we may be. This card suggests changes for the better. Thus, a good omen for the Whole, which how could it be otherwise, for God is in charge.

4th Messages from the Guides, Higher Self, Master’s, (for me it’s Jesus)
The Hawk
Messages to be delivered to aid us in our quest. Keep your eyes, ears, and heart open to receive what is being delivered. Perhaps in our quest for “The Age of Benevolence”, meaning kindness among those who make up The Body of Christ, which is all of us and has nothing to do with “accepting Jesus” in the traditional sense, but would include him in The Whole Body of Christ.
*Caveat here; I do accept the teaching of Jesus. I just no longer accept them in the same way they are traditionally taught. And I do see him as the first to walk here on earth and accept the love that The Father offers The Son. He is my Lord, my Brother, my Friend.

5th Messages from the Divine Whole or Ultimate Outcome
The Wind Faery
Our thoughts and words create our reality. This card also invites intellectual analysis. Where do our thoughts travel? Are they negative or in remembrance of the Love of God for His Son?
By the Holy Spirit we will be gently led back into full remembrance. This is something we can speed up by being an active participant in.
Choice is always present. How we view our situation or the situation of the neighbors, the country, or the world is always up to the individual. You are an important part of the whole. Do not deny or give that up.
Give thanks for being able to remember the Father’s Love for His Son and Forgive the Son for his confusion. We are heading into a beautiful place. God Speed and Blessings for us all!

URTEXT Study Notes *The notes preceded by an asterixis are mine, not from the text.

URTEXT pg 315
Beyond the poor attraction of the special love relationship (*This especially speaks to the romantic partner, but it includes all other relationships as well that we would feel has “special” meaning.), and ALWAYS obscured by it, is the powerful attraction of the Father for His Son. (*This refers to God, The Father and His Son, Christ, which together, with Jesus, we are.)

There is no OTHER love that can satisfy you, because there IS no other love. (*To deny this love is to block love in all of our relationships. Outside of this the EGO seeks special relationships for what it believes will bring personal gain.)

This is the ONLY love that is fully given, AND FULLY RETURNED.

Being complete, it asks nothing. Being wholly pure, everyone joined in it HAS everything.

It is impossible for the ego to enter into any relationship without anger,
for the ego believes that ANGER MAKES FRIENDS. This is NOT its statement, but it IS its purpose.

For the ego REALLY BELIEVES that it can get, and KEEP, by MAKING GUILTY. This is its ONE attraction.

An attraction so weak, that it would have no hold at all, except that NO ONE RECOGNIZES IT.

For the ego always SEEMS to attract through love, and has no attraction at all to anyone who perceives that IT ATTRACKS THROUGH GUILT. (*This gives me more understanding about the “clicks” and the feeling of not fitting in. What is going on is that if we are not willing to yield to the guilt format we will be excluded and shunned.)

The sick attraction of guilt MUST be recognized FOR WHAT IT IS.

For, having been made REAL to you, it is essential to look at it clearly,
and, by withdrawing your INVESTMENT in it, to LEARN TO LET IT GO.

No-one would choose to let go what he believes has value.

Yet the attraction of guilt has value to you ONLY because you have NOT looked at what it IS, and have judged it as valuable COMPLETELY in the dark.

As we bring it to light, your ONLY question will be why it was you EVER WANTED it.

You have NOTHING to lose by looking open-eyed at this, for ugliness such as this belongs not in your holy mind.

The host of God CAN have no REAL investment here.


God Bless


Posted in Family of Mankind, Learning To Fly, Personally... | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

Love That Comes in Times of Trauma


One thing that I learned in my trek out west to see my birth mother is that I was the one who separated us. I would not give her an inch.

At ten or so, I had to keep my sanity stable within myself because I knew that no one out there was going to take care of me. Four hundred Volkswagen Beetles were counted that day in LA some fifty years ago.

I could not tell you a word she said but I know that she tried to talk to me for the length of the time it took me to count those cars. I did not dare listen. I was in survival mode.

I see this in the eyes of my grandchildren today as well. They know that I cannot step in and save them from their parents mistakes or what is going on behind closed doors with those who think it is okay to manipulate others for their own gratification. Big things or little, they know they are on their own.

This world is not one where we can unite. We need to understand that, accept it, and move into a new state of “being”.

Do you suppose the same mental protectors are in gear today? I learned to listen to my gut and my heart, an inner voice of survival, instead of in a place where community rules.

I was lucky. I have been a loner and though I “miss” others, I do not mind.

I do not fare well in civilized company because I do not choose to walk to a civilized, agreed upon tune. This is drawn up by the largest or wittiest dog in the pack and we all step in line or we are cast out.

At the death of my daughter her father’s side of the family were willing to forget all and let me be a part of their community. I could not do it, not even for the sake of a son, a daughter, and several grandchildren and great-grandchildren.

I knew who ran that ship and I would not bow to her interpretation of what I was. Sadly, I blew up and burned bridges at the funeral. That does not mean that I am not still an influence in all their lives and that they do not watch me, because they do.

Upon my return from the coast, my children (the ones who maintain contact) acted different toward me. They seemed kind, they seemed genuinely glad to have me here. This is not the norm. The “I love you” was sincere and not a formality. I had to hear it twice when I heard it.

A gesture of kindness, “let me get this for you” was given to me, as if I was a welcome visitor in their home. I was even paid compliments by someone who could not stand my company for twenty years.

I was not use to such behavior from them and I needed time to regroup from the challenge of being homeless and the diverse ways that humanity belittles and imprisons itself that I witnessed first hand on the coast.

I spent hours in the company of family as if I was a welcome guest and then I turned the tables. I expressed distress at a turn of events that, well, that just did not matter in the scope of things. I had even been told about the situation and okayed it before. Can you believe I wounded an animal, accidentally-but still, in the process? Good Grief!

I think this outburst may have occurred to allow me to distance myself from what was going on. An inclusion to the “family structure” that I was not willing to accept until I understood the terms of that inclusion.

While reflecting on why there was a shift in behavior on behalf of the others, I realize it may have something to do with the scales of justice that hang in the subconscious of Christ’s Guilty Conscience.

If someone has been wounded enough we can show them kindness because we then can beat ourselves up because we (or someone) caused them harm somewhere before. It is sort of a kindness balancing act that really does not last, but makes us feel good for the moment.

I do not mean this to be offensive or say that I did not appreciate the sense of “inclusion” that was offered me. I just mean that I want to be in a safe place emotionally and this world without acknowledgement of Christ does not offer me that.

Freedom, kindness, and appreciation without Christ being pre-eminent (meaning superior to or notable above all others; outstanding ……per the College Dictionary 4th Edition) in the world is tough to live by. It makes you an outcast.

I do not know if my words make any sense at all. I am nearing a point where I really do not care if I get anyone to listen, I just want to focus on keeping myself in the “zone” of witnessing Christ. Yet, as God gives me breath I will not give up trying no matter how overwhelming the situation looks.

A Course In Miracles, chapter thirteen, says that the reason the ego attempts to kill the Son of God is because His guiltlessness is blasphemous to God. So do not be guiltless is the lesson.

We speak of righteousness and doing well and achieving, but truth is we will not allow it.

And sitting in a ivory tower, looking at the rest of the world, saying “I got here, why can’t you?” is false in the highest degree because there is no duality, we are only One.

We believe if someone has enough trauma in their life, “maybe they are a sinner just like me, so now I can forgive them”. Or better yet, if I forgive a real “witch”, I will be the better man. Either way we have placed one on a pedestal and one in a ditch. We stand uneven in our association.

This is not of God.

It explains why you can never go back home. You have stepped outside of the community balancing poles. It also explains clicks and how you cannot “fit in” if you have not grown up there. You just have not paid your dues by being trashed well enough.

I have been so naïve for so many years. I am grateful for the understanding that Spirit has given me. I do not want to beat anybody up and I do not want to be beaten up.

We are told that we have to look at how things are really, in the now, and then recognize that we are eternal beings and always perfect and in a state of grace (ACIM Chapter 13). This will help us “see” the illusion that we are living.

True Love of God and amongst each other does not come and go depending on how we behave. It is always, because we are always.

If the welcome the children gave me was sincere, time will show it. Sadly, I sense it may only be a gesture given to appease their conscience at how my siblings and family out west treated me and will go with the wind, as did the welcome at my daughter’s funeral.

It is okay. It will not change my feelings toward them, nothing could. It will not change the fact that I know who they really are and who we are to each other. It will have an impact on my behavior though.

I do not know how I will proceed from here. I know that to see Christ (I do not mean Jesus alone) everywhere and to have knowledge of being Christ (each of us is) and forgiving Christ (ourselves and all else) for any discomfort that is outside the sphere of joy is my objective, goal, and truth.

The only true communication is that which is by the Spirit and that acknowledges Christ in all things.

Indeed, the old me is dead, I want no claim on her. I see her faults and I will see more. As I interact among people, I see how what I am and who I am, could be seen as so egotistical, greedy, pious, and maybe at times, just plain mean.

I am not sure how to change that witness it may seem others are getting. I know that beating myself up and playing the martyr is not it. I cannot deny my own basic needs and sanity for some preconceived sense of sins I need to pay for.

No, I need to take care of myself physically, emotionally, and spiritually and give God the glory.

I distance myself, not because I do not love, but because I wish to do no harm. To stay in my own space and forgive Christ, bearing witness, where I can, of God’s Love for Him is all I know to do.

Love in the societies we have, without knowledge of Christ, is just another form of attack and manipulation.

I was blessed as a child to feel the love of those who harmed and betrayed me and I chose to keep that witness. I still have it today. I keep my safe distance though.

I want Christ alone and I want to give Him to God’s love. It gets easier, day by day for me to see how confused and confusing the world is.

I understand more about how it has been for the children I raised, especially from the perspective I gave them of being peacemaker in an attacking world. I really had no idea what life was and only may only be getting glimpses of it now.

I am not sure if the world will understand what I am trying to give them, but I will use all my energy to share the Love of the Father for the Son. The Holy Spirit will bear witness to those willing to receive it.

Till next time
God bless us every One, Namaste~

Posted in About Me, Clarification of Terms, Family of Mankind, Freedom's Core, Learning To Fly, Personally..., Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Power of the Laser, Stepping Stones, Testimony | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment