Love That Comes in Times of Trauma


One thing that I learned in my trek out west to see my birth mother is that I was the one who separated us. I would not give her an inch.

At ten or so, I had to keep my sanity stable within myself because I knew that no one out there was going to take care of me. Four hundred Volkswagen Beetles were counted that day in LA some fifty years ago.

I could not tell you a word she said but I know that she tried to talk to me for the length of the time it took me to count those cars. I did not dare listen. I was in survival mode.

I see this in the eyes of my grandchildren today as well. They know that I cannot step in and save them from their parents mistakes or what is going on behind closed doors with those who think it is okay to manipulate others for their own gratification. Big things or little, they know they are on their own.

This world is not one where we can unite. We need to understand that, accept it, and move into a new state of “being”.

Do you suppose the same mental protectors are in gear today? I learned to listen to my gut and my heart, an inner voice of survival, instead of in a place where community rules.

I was lucky. I have been a loner and though I “miss” others, I do not mind.

I do not fare well in civilized company because I do not choose to walk to a civilized, agreed upon tune. This is drawn up by the largest or wittiest dog in the pack and we all step in line or we are cast out.

At the death of my daughter her father’s side of the family were willing to forget all and let me be a part of their community. I could not do it, not even for the sake of a son, a daughter, and several grandchildren and great-grandchildren.

I knew who ran that ship and I would not bow to her interpretation of what I was. Sadly, I blew up and burned bridges at the funeral. That does not mean that I am not still an influence in all their lives and that they do not watch me, because they do.

Upon my return from the coast, my children (the ones who maintain contact) acted different toward me. They seemed kind, they seemed genuinely glad to have me here. This is not the norm. The “I love you” was sincere and not a formality. I had to hear it twice when I heard it.

A gesture of kindness, “let me get this for you” was given to me, as if I was a welcome visitor in their home. I was even paid compliments by someone who could not stand my company for twenty years.

I was not use to such behavior from them and I needed time to regroup from the challenge of being homeless and the diverse ways that humanity belittles and imprisons itself that I witnessed first hand on the coast.

I spent hours in the company of family as if I was a welcome guest and then I turned the tables. I expressed distress at a turn of events that, well, that just did not matter in the scope of things. I had even been told about the situation and okayed it before. Can you believe I wounded an animal, accidentally-but still, in the process? Good Grief!

I think this outburst may have occurred to allow me to distance myself from what was going on. An inclusion to the “family structure” that I was not willing to accept until I understood the terms of that inclusion.

While reflecting on why there was a shift in behavior on behalf of the others, I realize it may have something to do with the scales of justice that hang in the subconscious of Christ’s Guilty Conscience.

If someone has been wounded enough we can show them kindness because we then can beat ourselves up because we (or someone) caused them harm somewhere before. It is sort of a kindness balancing act that really does not last, but makes us feel good for the moment.

I do not mean this to be offensive or say that I did not appreciate the sense of “inclusion” that was offered me. I just mean that I want to be in a safe place emotionally and this world without acknowledgement of Christ does not offer me that.

Freedom, kindness, and appreciation without Christ being pre-eminent (meaning superior to or notable above all others; outstanding ……per the College Dictionary 4th Edition) in the world is tough to live by. It makes you an outcast.

I do not know if my words make any sense at all. I am nearing a point where I really do not care if I get anyone to listen, I just want to focus on keeping myself in the “zone” of witnessing Christ. Yet, as God gives me breath I will not give up trying no matter how overwhelming the situation looks.

A Course In Miracles, chapter thirteen, says that the reason the ego attempts to kill the Son of God is because His guiltlessness is blasphemous to God. So do not be guiltless is the lesson.

We speak of righteousness and doing well and achieving, but truth is we will not allow it.

And sitting in a ivory tower, looking at the rest of the world, saying “I got here, why can’t you?” is false in the highest degree because there is no duality, we are only One.

We believe if someone has enough trauma in their life, “maybe they are a sinner just like me, so now I can forgive them”. Or better yet, if I forgive a real “witch”, I will be the better man. Either way we have placed one on a pedestal and one in a ditch. We stand uneven in our association.

This is not of God.

It explains why you can never go back home. You have stepped outside of the community balancing poles. It also explains clicks and how you cannot “fit in” if you have not grown up there. You just have not paid your dues by being trashed well enough.

I have been so naïve for so many years. I am grateful for the understanding that Spirit has given me. I do not want to beat anybody up and I do not want to be beaten up.

We are told that we have to look at how things are really, in the now, and then recognize that we are eternal beings and always perfect and in a state of grace (ACIM Chapter 13). This will help us “see” the illusion that we are living.

True Love of God and amongst each other does not come and go depending on how we behave. It is always, because we are always.

If the welcome the children gave me was sincere, time will show it. Sadly, I sense it may only be a gesture given to appease their conscience at how my siblings and family out west treated me and will go with the wind, as did the welcome at my daughter’s funeral.

It is okay. It will not change my feelings toward them, nothing could. It will not change the fact that I know who they really are and who we are to each other. It will have an impact on my behavior though.

I do not know how I will proceed from here. I know that to see Christ (I do not mean Jesus alone) everywhere and to have knowledge of being Christ (each of us is) and forgiving Christ (ourselves and all else) for any discomfort that is outside the sphere of joy is my objective, goal, and truth.

The only true communication is that which is by the Spirit and that acknowledges Christ in all things.

Indeed, the old me is dead, I want no claim on her. I see her faults and I will see more. As I interact among people, I see how what I am and who I am, could be seen as so egotistical, greedy, pious, and maybe at times, just plain mean.

I am not sure how to change that witness it may seem others are getting. I know that beating myself up and playing the martyr is not it. I cannot deny my own basic needs and sanity for some preconceived sense of sins I need to pay for.

No, I need to take care of myself physically, emotionally, and spiritually and give God the glory.

I distance myself, not because I do not love, but because I wish to do no harm. To stay in my own space and forgive Christ, bearing witness, where I can, of God’s Love for Him is all I know to do.

Love in the societies we have, without knowledge of Christ, is just another form of attack and manipulation.

I was blessed as a child to feel the love of those who harmed and betrayed me and I chose to keep that witness. I still have it today. I keep my safe distance though.

I want Christ alone and I want to give Him to God’s love. It gets easier, day by day for me to see how confused and confusing the world is.

I understand more about how it has been for the children I raised, especially from the perspective I gave them of being peacemaker in an attacking world. I really had no idea what life was and only may only be getting glimpses of it now.

I am not sure if the world will understand what I am trying to give them, but I will use all my energy to share the Love of the Father for the Son. The Holy Spirit will bear witness to those willing to receive it.

Till next time
God bless us every One, Namaste~

Posted in About Me, Clarification of Terms, Family of Mankind, Freedom's Core, Learning To Fly, Personally..., Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Power of the Laser, Stepping Stones, Testimony | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

Thoughts on Lost City of Z

“I watched this 2017 movie twice and feel very reflective.

The dedication that this man/couple/family had to a cause is incredible.

The dedication they had as a family is really something to ponder.

My understanding is that they had a burning desire to see that the native people were not destroyed by the understanding of the finding of a huge civilization before the “known world”, especially when it was one of a different complexion than “proper” society of the day was.

Man’s forms of segregation are so diverse and bizarre unless of course, it is the one you are entrenched in. We live without thinking of what it is we are living because the needs of the moment sadly take over all our energies and attention.

Even in meditation, the goal is not to think and I believe this is a sad thing. I would rather see meditation and prayer used to identify the observer and higher self in each of us that allows us to step out of the moment or circumstances and look at the big picture.

That is not to say that I discount the wonderful work of those who teach to be in the moment and aware of our surroundings and those around us. The higher self may be compared to the Holy Spirit or spiritual guidance that humanity has available to them.

I do believe that this family understood and took hold of each of these concepts very well. They could both see the big picture and respect the moment and people that they were with when they were privileged to be with them.

Perhaps this is a reflection of the teachings of Eckhart Toolle’s as understood by those who prepared the movie, script, and book written in 2009 which is on my to-do list. I myself am only now reading a couple of his books, The Power of Now and A New Earth, Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose.

It will take further research for me to get insight on that question, however, Toole’s work is so well known it is not hard to envision its influence.

In any case, it is a brilliant work in my opinion.

My fantasy of what happened to the father and son is that they chose to stay with the people to give them understanding and skills to maintain their lifestyle without being wiped out. Perhaps the son found a sweetheart and a family began which the father could not abandon and which would only assist with their cause. That being to find the lost civilization and give human history further light.

As a long time student of The Book of Mormon, it is delightful to see physical evidence uncovered for the populations who dwelt on this land long before the Europeans came on board. Populations that were very industrious in commerce and trade and all things considered civilized, including war. (My thoughts are in no way reflective of the teachings of the Church and I find I no longer feel comfortable in any congregation of any sort.)

It was the way that the movie portrayed the dedication of the family to what they believed was true and that it would serve the good of humanity as a whole, therefore it was worth whatever temporary challenges would be placed upon them that touched me.

I find myself in a similar state at this time. My beliefs, specifically the belief that there are answers that we have not quite found yet because of the state of our focus as societies and individuals leaves me on the outside of literally all that I interact with save nature herself.

Some may suspect I am simply lazy in wanting to devote my time and energy to such things. Some may think it is a futile pursuit because no one will listen anyway. And some may suspect I am simply insane.

This may not be unlike the thoughts about a man who would leave his family to face the dangers and harshness of the Amazon in Percy Fawcett’s day.

Like him, my walk has to be mine and I must live in the integrity of what I believe. I believe that God Is and if He is then the trauma we endure is not real and I will spend my life lifting up the Christ to His Father’s Love in prayer and action. Whether anyone understands me or not it will impact the consciousness of the Whole and begin the beginning of the end of this “false” world.

There is not a day goes by but that several things bear witness to me that I have found something out about the world that will bring about its demise and allow us to create a new environment for ourselves and those who come after.

I seek to show by how I live my life that I do not value suffering in any form. I do not believe that humanity was meant to suffer. I believe we will awaken to this truth and there will be none without abundance in all its forms.

And our days will be spent in remembrance of Christ and rejoicing in the blessings of His Father whose Child we are, as a Whole.

Till next time,

Be well, God bless, Namaste~




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Chapter Seven

Afterward: Now What?
Even when flying above the clouds it is easy to dip too close to the mountaintop.

From the beginning of the trip to the end, I got to listen to the radio, Serius XM. Love it!. I had lots of choices but they spoke of things that did not remind me of who I am, nor did they make me think of Christ. Today I would say that I heard the message of the “Christ Guilty Conscience” filled with joys that end and sorrows and longings we experience along the way.

Like a child who has lost his way, we sing of things that appear to have priority in our existence at the moment, forgetting that our Father and complete well-being are so very close by.

I am not trying to denounce all the incredible talent that has been shared over the years, nor am I saying that they have not helped humanity cope and express its joys and sorrows. What I am saying, is that I believe that there is a higher plateau that we might reach for and that we are meant to be a part of.

It was after crossing those incredible mountains at a rest stop in Colorado that I wrote fourteen songs that helped me express the wonder, majesty, and awe that I had experienced on the road that day. It was an effort to process the overwhelm from the breath-taking beauty of the Rocky Mountains. I want to share those with you as I write this chapter.

Beauty and Majesty of the Earth

Ocean Waves
Sea Weed
This is God
This is the power of God
This is the power of Me


When people live in a world of hierarchy they are intimidated by someone with the strength of character because they feel inferior (and sadly, often inside they attack themselves even as they strike out with catty remarks to the other).

It is not the fault of the person, it is part of the poison of the illusion of separation.

We also feel that if someone has confidence they must be uppity or be judging us. This is not because they are judging us. It is because we are judging ourselves as inferior on some level.

Might I call this the “Christ’s Guilty Conscience” level, which I also equate with ego? 

Forgive me for speaking of Christ in the context of a negative. Remember that positive/negative is ego creation, for only God exists and God is Good. God is Love. All there is is love.

The ego (Christ’s Guilty Conscience) has created a self-punishing existence that is unreal.

Even romance and copulation (sex) are weak attempts to make a mockery of what we believe that we are.

Each generation hoping the next will be better by allowing them to stand on our shoulders and backs or merely working for the survival of the fittest as we simply prey upon our own psychologically or physiologically. We all do it in some form or another because we believe, erroneously, that this is the extent of our existence.

We think that our sense of inferiority comes from outside ourselves, society, peers; or if we cannot identify anyone right now it must have one from our parents or caregivers from our formative years.

What if it actually comes to us in our “fabrication”, in our subconscious DNA and the role that we play in this dream/illusion/nightmare of Christ’s to give us a witness of the need for all the punishment and suffering that we place upon ourselves?

This to testify of the reality of our separateness.

Your role may be that of a girl who uses cutting to claim power in a world where she feels she has no power. Or maybe you are an educated and hard-working man who has reached all of his goals and faces the reality that he cannot take his possessions with him once he leaves his body.

Maybe you are a child who is experiencing health issues or hunger with a fierce gnawing, rather than witnessing that God Is and that you have all that you desire.

Maybe you are longing for a relationship that has not manifested. Whatever your role, circumstances, or situation, I believe it was created by Christ with your permission.                                    


Everything that has any form of manifestation
is a manifestation of Christ.

All form of emotion, thought, action,
is a manifestation of Christ.

He is the only relationship that we need to get right.
Then all else falls into place and is understood.

I hope that the songs I wrote in simplicity are so that with repetition the message of its truth will be taught by the Spirit.


As much as the Law of Attraction teaches that what we desire we will experience in our future, I believe Christ still blocks the way ultimately, or at least until we release Christ from His Guilty Conscience.

One reality that proves this in this linear world is that we are still going to die.

The witness that Christ holds the key and Jesus will help us find it has burned in my heart since I was a small child.

Thinking about the conference I attended, I recall that only one person clapped when Brendon said God helped him with things, it was me.

I was surprised at that, yet with it, I got a personal response from Brendan himself, as he looked the other way of course.

He said thank you to me for acknowledging his respect for God here.

I thought it odd and powerful that as a group we did not seem comfortable to acknowledge God in our lives.

Interestingly none of us clapped when he spoke of Tony Robbins either. Sadly that included me this time. Tony has helped me and others in many ways over the years and I would have adored seeing him there, yet I did not clap for the man. How crazy is that!

There seemed to be an interesting undertow happening in the room. Each one was there passionate about something and yet we did not meld or even mix, contrary to what we seemed to suggest to Brendon from what I could tell. We each had our story but the gelling did not seem to happen.

A beautiful lady beside me made a point of playing with her phone that had a photo of her and Depok Chopra on it. When I did not comment she disappeared.

It seemed like we were all looking for our niche but did not really have anything that drew us together as a whole. This made me sad. The facade was there of music, hype, and volume, it felt like a concert and had a fun energy. I just did not feel what I had been hoping for.

Sadly, there have often been times when I felt like that in church over the years.

Where is the ability to speak of what we really are that will allow us to let our guard down and let others know who we really are and what we have to share?

Understanding and acknowledging “Christ’s Guilty Conscience” may allow us to open that door to one another.

I believe it is a sign of the peer pressure or desire, even among those who are supposed to be so enlightened, (myself included) to wait on the affirmation of others first.

We tend to be afraid to be true to our own personal witness of something. 

I do not think that we should be concerned with this though.

There is a timing factor that the Spirit guides us with. The shift in understanding will not be altered fully, or should I say significantly, until there is a percentage of individuals who are ready to receive it.

That time is coming rapidly, even as Jesus said some 2000 years ago. We may rely on the Spirit’s wisdom for the real unveiling.

We can take the time to look within ourselves and see The Christ and make room for Him to reveal Himself within us, for He is there. He is what we truly are and all of creation calls out.


See me!
Know me!
I am
I am
I am
I am God!

See me!

Know me!

I am

I am

I am

I am You!

I do not really understand why the readers of  A Course In Miracles have missed this concept. I suspect it is because of the way I approached it and because I did not listen to others views of the teachings.

(I was reading in ACIM today, September 7, 2018, five months after I had completed the writing of this book. I see now why it has been missed. Brothers and sisters, I do not claim to have all understanding. Though what I understand grows in leaps and bounds. We are in an insane situation and we are awakening. I simply seek to bear testimony of what I understand today and look forward to what I will learn moving forward.)


As I think of what I have had and what I have not had, I sometimes feel low.

When I remember who I truly am, I recall that all that has ever been experienced by anyone is mine.

All the trauma and all the joy, all the lack and all the abundance, it is mine, as I acknowledge that I am The Christ, as are all others.

All the closeness and all the aloneness felt in the world is mine.

And it will all become a dream when we awaken fully to the witness that we are in fact The Whole Complete Christ.


I am nearly over-whelmed
with the beauty and majesty that is creation
~the leading edge~
learned by the Spirit
breathed in as knowledge
Questions all dissipate
and only awe and beauty remain.

There was a time when I understood “going with the flow” to mean being cool and letting life happen.

Today I understand it to be a very intentional choice to direct one’s thoughts into creation and the light of truth instead of feeding the fabrication.

Studying Abraham Hicks did a lot to help me understand this. He taught us the Law of Attraction, even though it is claimed by other sources.

I believe the Law of Attraction is a current resurrection of the Law of the Covenant.

This is a Law given by Christ (Jehovah), through Moses, to His children and useful here, in the illusion.

With God, things are as you would have them be for there is no time, there is only being. It is here in this density place that we perceive choice and that we may choose what we will participate in.

Forget not that we have come with the instructions from “Christ’s Guilty Conscience” to play a role of unworthiness and suffering.

Because we are also of The Father we have the capacity to counter that or make it so that the roles we play do not define us and therefore do not continue to confuse us and keep us in the chain of suffering.

Christ will be set free as we show Him that His “sin” (or confusion about being separated from God) has no effect on us.

Abraham Hick’s work will do a lot to bring comfort to humanity and allow them to handle the psychological chaos that will come as we enter into an understanding of who we really are and the pendulum swing of extremes that may occur with that understanding.


Talking flowers,
singing flowers,
can you hear them?
Listen well.
The breeze,
the breath,
the warmth of the sunshine.
Singing are they,
just for you.


Mental health is a huge issue.

It was brought up for me with the shooting in Las Vegas just before I came through there on my way home from the conference.

It is brought up again as about the third or fourth shooting has occurred as I close the writing of this book.

I plead with you to give serious consideration to what I have shared because from what I have seen humanity does not have any real answer to mental illness.

All things entailing mental illness, depression and the use of anti-depressants to cope with life and keep up that “happy face”, addictions by all of us to endure the inhuman demands we place on ourselves and each other, power-wielding through racist acts or anti-racist angst against the supposed oppressing other, all of it bears witness of  “Christ’s Guilty Conscience” that believes we are worthy of punishment and death and not One Whole Son before God, The Ultimate and Eternal Father of The Christ and all of Creation.

We cannot consider ourselves lesser than or greater than another and be in alignment with our true status as a part of All That Is.


Euphoric orgasm
it all
the true understanding of Christ.
Let it Go
Let it Go

Lord Jesus Christ wants us to know that we are each Lord (creator of our reality), enter your name _____ (because you are a beloved part of The Son of God), Christ (He is your Father, as He is Jesus’).

You are capable of making choices and the choices manifest our experience.

The choice that you get to make is very simple.

Will you continue the punishment of Christ or will you embrace the love of God that is the component of what you are at your core.

You will be allowed either choice because God knows there is no truth in the lie, even though it causes great duress as we participate in it.

Your place of worthiness and inheritance awaits you, as the Prodigal Son. And great will be the rejoicing when you recognize where you have gone and that it is possible to return home.


There is order in the chaos,

(chorus, softly) A choice we make in every breath!

in the creation of the manifestation.

(chorus, softly) A choice we make in every breath!

Though not understood by the logical/ linear

(chorus, softly) A choice we make in every breath!

thinking of the human mind.

(chorus, softly) A choice we make in every breath!

We can end the suffering, it is a choice.

(chorus, bold and strong on the third repeat of the whole)

A choice we make in every breath!

There is nothing wrong with feeling entitled. We are. We just need to get “Christ’s Guilty Conscience” acknowledged and healed. Then we will have the abundance and prosperity that we seek all over the world and throughout galaxies’.

There will be no need to harm others or to puff ourselves up because we have been down-trodden by others or because we “know” we are not truly worthy of all that is handed to us so freely.

I will never figure out or resolve all of the incongruities in my life. Nor will anyone else.

To try and make sense out of this world is futile. It has no promise.

Only in Christ, is there promise of relationships that last, first with self, then with God, then with other parts of the Self that we each represent.

In this world, we want to claim family or country or race as our identity.

Each of these things is a part of our existence to allow us to meet God as we try to understand who we are and maybe only that!

They are symbolic of our relationship to the Father of Christ. And while they are to be embraced with joy and great attention, they are not the essence of what or who we are.

God does not give good to some and evil to others.

We are ONE and worthy of all that The Father has.

Think of a rogue god that has split personalities and you will begin to have a glimpse of what we really represent.

The spiritual view of needing another person (Savior) to lay all the problems at his feet is a temporary resolve at best.

It is still a view that denies our power and encourages us not to think for ourselves.

It may calm the wild thoughts and frustrations of the mind for a while, but it does not give a logical explanation to the question of why the suffering is there in the first place.

Christ is a jealous God for He feels unworthy.

His Father is not a jealous God.

He has not even blinked His eye. He has no concern His Son is not whole and pure and perfect. Christ is the one confused. 


Mighty tree, you witness to me of change,

transformation, of life, and of death.

Not an ending,

a continuation of being in whatever form

is laid aside in the escrow

of the vortex

of my creation.

We are One

my friend

my heartbeat

my dream of awakening.

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The View From Where I Stand Now

NOW, in the moment, the present, I had defined it in 2014 as No illusion, All-encompassing, the W is to me, an upside down M to bring from heaven Christ’s Millenial Reign that I had been taught throughout my Christian years.

I am only now (18 years later) reading The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. This book is adding dimension and confirmation of what I have been taught by Spirit about NOW.

We are all worthy of joy and I understand this. Each moment is what we have and I get this. I am also a mother of seven, with five still living and when they hurt I hurt. When they feel betrayed I get it. I still follow the Spirit for the guidance in my own life but it does not mean that I do not feel their cries and calls for help.

My youngest is 32. The eldest died at 39 in the middle of 2014. My grandchildren have often called out to me with their eyes and pleaded for help from Gramma. They still believed that I had the power, as they “know” that their parents have the power over them.

I had to stand by and support my children as best I could without getting in their way. “This served the grandchildren best” was my thought.

Everyone gets their own role to play and they are the main actors in the making of their part of the Christ Ego that makes up this world.

The power lies in our ability to know this is not real.

“Christ’s Guilty Conscience” (CGC), while it may have provided our life circumstances in this world, does not hold the highest power in our existence.

The highest power comes in the form of Deliverer and Redeemer. Redeemer of whom? Redeemer of Christ, of course. The Christ in each of us that believes He is worthy of punishment.

One may offer a portion of assistance to another in this walk but it is primarily “the other” that must walk on his own.

We each have the armies of heaven awaiting our every command in service to that which is our true desire and objective for this life.

That is hard to understand here, especially when modern Christianity teaches us to help our neighbor, not to mention our children and the grandbabies.

Our own empathy, conscience, or “Christian” upbringing wants to take care of others and keep them safe and protected.

I see this as also keeping them locked in the dream. We are meant to stand on our own, in our own faith and witness.

That goodness and joy are a part of being, not relying on someone else to give us a reason for existence. Namely our parents or main caregivers to supply the definition of our existence for us. And yet this is what we typically do.

We take a piece of this circumstance and what that person said or how this made us feel and we create a “monster” that roams the earth as our ego trying to defend itself and give meaning to its life.
This is not who we are.

We are divine creatures on a divine mission of waking a sleeping god.


I have never felt adequate as a parent or able to supply all the needs for my children.

I have no family associations that supported or sustained me through life on my mother or father’s side. In fact, those that could have shown me respect taught only hate and disrespect for what represents my place in the world.

Likewise, there is no financial support or structure in place to lay out the parameters of my children’s well being or safety. To give credence to the ego monster that Christ has given them to walk as.

I gave my children access to “family” so that they may have an experience that I did not have. Each of them has their own opinions about me because of that.

I try to give them all the tools I can to meet the challenges that they will face in life.

It is only recently that I understand that they chose these particular challenges because the Christ in them wanted to understand something. I cannot tell you how this has lifted the burden that I bear, as I desire only good for my children.

The terms good and bad have become neutral in my understanding and spiritual awareness. This does not take away the sting and sometimes horror of what vices they allow themselves to believe they have been put in.

The empathy of sorrow at separation is not something that I believe we need to set aside. It is something we can share and comfort one another with.

I believe that like all other witnesses in this place of illusion it enhances our joy at the reality and truth in the awareness that we are divine beings and all is ours, as it is our Father’s.

Of course, we each will come to the “waking up” to that awareness in our own time and way.

Life’s experiences in the ego (CGC) give me a reason to reflect on the place of a woman in this world and the kind of emotional and psychological pain that the illusion causes her throughout her life.

I realize that if I am going to testify of Christ in the manner that I have set my cap to, I will be exposed to all the trauma that can befall a woman emotionally and that I will be able to survive and not be crushed by it because of my commitment to my ultimate calling of choice which is to testify of Christ and of His Father’s Love for Him.

This has not been a fun ride to be on, nor pleasurable in any way. (In others words I am personally not a masochist.)

It does, however, bring me comfort as I reflect on my mission and think that I might be worthy to experience such things that would be transformed by the Spirit into something gloriously incredible beyond measure.

My NDE studies are so much spiritual food to me of late. I feel a synchronicity in the readings so great that it feels as if the messages these brothers and sisters were given were to be recorded so that I might see them at this particular time. It is a fabulous feeling.

I could not help but note that it feels like a testimony meeting where someone says just the thing that you needed to hear.

I will close this message today with a huge heart full of gratitude for the purpose and plan of our existence.

I bear witness that there is meaning beyond our current understanding that once known it will obliterate all the trauma and heartache of the challenges that we have been asked to experience.

Till next time,
God bless us One and All,
It is only in stepping out of the ego(CGC) status that we have the opportunity to understand the meaning of our life in any given NOW.

Posted in About Me, Family of Mankind, Learning To Fly, Personally..., Post Traumatic Stress Disorder | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment


Chapter Six
Summary of the Reading
“A card reading should tell a story.” Radleigh Valentine.
Let’s take a look at this story.

The many in the One want to establish independent, healthy boundaries while at the same time understanding that they are united, carrying the DNA of their Father, Christ and His Father God.

Restoration of peace requires seeing the big picture, which can only be seen as one flies high above the present circumstance and limitations and acknowledges their connection to Spirit and the realm of the angels and of all creation.

Much of what we experience here is a fabrication; it is not real, only imagined. Open, honest communication with prayerful and thoughtful communication and meditation will be required to bring us back to the remembrance of our true sel(f)ves.

What we call life seems to be without real understanding, and suffering and death appear to be a true part of it. The Mystery invites you to exercise faith and trust and go inside yourself to find the truth, the way, and the life.

Joy is the outcome of your quest. Joy in the journey to find God and joy along the way until all have found joy and you are taken into the bosom of God once again where both you and He will know the fullness of Joy.

It is like everything was spelt out for me. My whole message in a very simple form. Sadly, for mankind, we must have complexity. It seems that the simple frightens us. And viewing the world from a higher vista can be lonely in a lot of ways. It can be tremendously rewarding and full, as well, if one takes the good and leaves behind the bad.

Others look at you as the strong one because you have gone through so much and when you face a mortal blow, like the death of a child, they do not know how to buoy you up.

There was no one who could give me a shoulder to lean on. I sat on the floor where I had fallen in a clump of tears as a poem accepting death was read at the close of the memorial prayer service for my daughter. They made sure they played no music I knew the words to because if they had I would have been singing to it. Perhaps “she” was afraid I would have stolen the show. And rightly so because I would not have cared who saw or heard. Music has been a comfort companion to me throughout my life.

The day of the funeral, after a very public confrontation with many of my family members, I left them to have the celebration of her life according to their wishes. I walked stocking footed and sat by a creek that ran through town. I could not tell them where I was when they went to the grave site, so I did not go with them. Instead, I called a woman I had not spoken to in two years and we talked for forty-five minutes or however long it took for them to conclude the service. Then I looked around and found a way to tell where I was so I could be picked up.

I bear witness that Spirit buoys you up and allows you to keep on walking. There is something else for you to do; no matter how hard the blow appears to be you have been called to endure. You might ask why I am sharing such poignantly personal moments with you. That is a fair question. It is to remind you, it is not me that I want you to consider. It is the principle and concept of which I am speaking. I will state again the Eagle flies above the storm, we likewise are able to rise above our circumstance. Each of us, not just a chosen few, for we are all of The Son of God.


My understanding of life at this time is what this book is about. Here are some key beliefs: Mankind is the manifestation of the Son of God, Christ. Space and time are man’s sphere, not God’s.

This is the playground of the psyche of Christ to experience diverse false realities and we are the puppeteers for His manifestation.

We work with Spirit to bring about God’s will (the Father of Christ), which is complete reconciliation and remembering the Oneness of the Whole; Father, Son, and the Holy Spirit, We, being the Son.

I do not believe in one all-consuming love in the flesh for the masses. Our connections are too real, we are One.

Finding that true love is just one of the incredible manifestations of separation that Christ has us play out.

However, love is love and should never be thought to be wasted, in whatever form. It is to soften the blows and ease the trauma of the sense of separation. It is the root of all kindness and the remembering. Jealousy is aroused when we consider ourselves not One Whole. And yes, our jealous God is none other than our sleeping Christ.

Think of TeKa in the Disney show Moana. The heart that is missing in us is Christ’s knowing He is with His Father in every way.

While that thought remains He will wreak havoc on all He imagines. This is the influence that we are under.

Instead of one restoring the heart of Tafiti, we each have that capacity and this is how we are saviors one to another as we forgive and declare that we truly know who each other is as a Child of God.

A Course In Miracles says that it takes only one to get this rolling and if that is true I declare it will begin with me or at least I will be part of the awakening.

Again, it will not be complete until each of us knows who we are and our innocence.

I believe as we come to understand who and what we are, we will be allowed to calm the ego and come into the world with gentler objectives in life.

We would be wise to get over the fixation of the use of words and listen to hear the meaning behind them so that we can reach out to each other, as well as protecting ourselves from harm by those with the smiles on their faces.

Rules of conduct, taught to all, need to embrace a lack of attack and projection.

This is worth repeating: Rules of conduct taught to all, need to embrace a lack of attack and projection.

Awareness of who we truly are as true creators of abundance, joy, and peace as we navigate our imaginations, will deliver us free from the effects of our misunderstanding.

Let us nurture our inner child, and be the moms and dads to ourselves that we would have liked to have had.

When we learn to love ourselves we will be able to love our neighbor.

To force us to do it with rules and regulations leads to a false identity and interaction, hence the illusion and hologram of suffering we live in currently.

Had I remained an active member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints I do not believe I would ever have learned what I understand today because of the restrictions, fears, and prejudices that I would have been carrying and did for a long time.

We want to remember that the Apostles were and are “General Authorities” and do not have the authority to guide every moment and decision in your life.

I believe that they have done a great deal to hold civilization together as a whole for a very long time, especially through the industrial age.

Industry and management have been key throughout its existence.

Affirmations will be something that people may use to release themselves from habits not pertaining to what they are as Children of God once that is understood cognitively.

Before that, affirmations help us endure the illusion and do not set us entirely free.

I love Louise L. Hay’s book, You Can Heal Your Life, has been a companion of mine for maybe over 20 years, long before I accepted the acceptability of same-sex relationships because it gave me a clue to what people may be thinking internally by the illness they manifested. I have not found it to be off. So I do believe they are a marvellous tool for knowing ourselves and those we perceive around us in this place of illusion.

Tapping for neurological release from fears and past traumas are tools as well. I have seen this work in my own life to unlock the fears and phobias I have held while in this world. Nick Ortner, of The Tapping Solution, teaches it well and has many free examples of the tapping that can be life-changing.

Energy Medicine that is taught by Donna Eden and David Feinstein are examples of gifts for both the body and the psyche that will continue to be poured out by the Spirit as we come to understand who we are.

There are many more examples of gifts to humanity to help them let go of the ego “master”.

The point is that each of us is a representation of God, of divinity in its fullness.

At best the environment we have given ourselves at the moment is a hologram. A composite of the original where all the components of the original go into all the other extensions.

We, each being a component or manifestation of Christ, (who is a composite of all that His Father is) has all that Christ has though the sum or Whole of Us and we are greater recognized as a whole than as individuals.

Thus, when we finally are able to speak the same language, nothing will be out of our reach.

Those who are on the leading edge of understanding may/will go through some excruciating psychological struggle as we “see” so clearly the suffering all around us and feel at a loss to bring any comfort.

What we want to remember is the joy and love that we know is the only truth. I find when things get the darkest that I must call out from the depths of my soul not for Christ, but to Christ, “I forgive you, Christ. I know this is not real because only God and His Love have true existence. I love you, Christ and I will be here for you. Father, send those angels that I need and give me strength.

This is something that will take time, and yet when concluded it will seem as if it took no time at all, which in fact it did not.

This is very difficult for the human mind to wrap around in our linear way of thinking and yet it does not negate it.

When the recognition that all that we have experienced since time began is a fragment of our collective and individual imagination dawns on us, joy is all that can be left in its wake.

When we set Christ free, through absolute forgiveness, knowing what He and We have thought occurred in this world of sorrow is impossible, we will know the true meaning of joy.

Rejoicing in that which was once lost and embracing the delights of being, in full freedom of conscience, knowing that all of us have the power and ability to be to our fullest potential in God’s Love.


The summary of the reading again is as follows:

Remembering that we are, in fact, The Christ.
(The situation./The Cat) We are many and we are one, with gifts to meet the challenges we have agreed to undertake in this physical world. Live life fully and without attachment.

(Personal ego./The Eagle) We have angels willing to help us along the way, we simply need to remember to ask. Fly high in your walk in life and see the big picture. Stay close to assistance through prayer and meditation. Be sure to listen and follow promptings. (Remember you will never be prompted to take from or harm another in any manner.) Do not forget to live in gratitude for guidance given.

(Whole Christ ego./The Wind Faery) Mind your thoughts. You create your experiences, and the worlds, with them. Be an observer and make decisions thoughtfully, with care and planning.

(Guides direction./The Mystery) Remember that while we are here “life” is an unknown. Plan what you can but be aware that much is laid out before coming here, agreed on by us with great joy, knowing these things (what may seem good or bad) would bless us. Remember that there is a purpose to all of it, though it may not be understood at the moment. We are on the right path.

(Ultimate outcome/Joy) Rejoice in the fact that you are part of something much bigger. Don’t forget to celebrate the moment, the “being”. Be grateful for the present and find the joy there inside of you that knows your value, purpose, and worthiness of all that you are willing to receive.

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Control Tower, We Have Landed… ;)

When I question if I am in the right place and did I follow the Spirit’s direction I simply need to look out my window at the three trees, double my arm-width, that stand as sentinels and give me courage.
My feet step in the soft, plush grasses behind the small parking lot and I feel the breeze and admire the well-kept garden in the back of a neighbor’s blending grey 2-story that says, “We are near but not in your back pocket” I feel comforted.
I am still getting my bearings in my new apartment. I have been without a permanent residence since the end of March and I have to admit there is something about stability that allows one’s shoulders to relax just a bit.
The emotional toll that the events of those months have left is yet to be understood. Northwestern USA has an attitude all its own or does the Midwest have the same attitudes, just in different guises? Then there was being made aware of “family” members whom I had not heard from for 50 years and putting my own children, grandchildren, and myself through an emotional ride none of us was expecting.
I have chosen to take an early retirement so that I may focus fully on the work that I feel so impressed to do. My writing and testifying of Christ as I know Him, the Holy Trinity and what that means in the world that we function in here in the flesh and beyond.
Some may think I am “sitting on my laurels” but they would be wrong. I am a self-starter and a writer. I write to learn and understand the world around me. I read ravenously.
And what a crazy world it is! I believe there are answers to our questions and I believe they are found in The Father, The Son, and the Holy Ghost.
I did a card reading shortly after moving in that gives me courage. I hope to continue my weekly  universal readings now that I am in one place. I do not wish to read for individuals online because I do not feel that is not my calling and there are so many who do this so well. I prefer to stay focused on reading for the Christ Consciousness that is the whole of us. I sincerely hope to see “the shift” in my lifetime.
My reading is from The Wisdom of Avalon Oracle Cards by Colette Baron-Reid.
It was done, by me, for me when I moved in, however I believe it is appropriate view it as a universal reading as well.
First card/the situation is The Novice….how true, as new-be’s in the world of recognizing the Christ in ourselves and in others we will be taught and get stronger as we allow ourselves to be teachable. Where is the teaching? Everywhere. Books, conversations, media, the point is to listen to the master teacher (the Spirit) and allow His teachings to take place in your heart and mind. Sometimes it has to sit a bit before the information is clear or certain. No worries, it will come and soon we will be novices no longer.
Second card/ the personal ego is The Cow…I love this one because it reminds us that we are cared for and nurtured and our physical needs will be taken care of. This reminds us to do our part in “tilling the soil” and understanding what it is that we really want also.
Third card/the Whole Christ Consciousness ego is Birth-Rebirth..we, as a race are preparing for a transition the likes of which has not been seen since the beginning of time. New life, new projects, a new way of looking at things, we got this! (It can feel like a pain but it is sooo worth it!)
Fourth card/from the Guides is The Mystery…Life is not understandable a lot of the time. Its okay, there is a plan. You have been given the tools you need. You cannot do it wrong. Just remember the joy along the way. Be humble and things will be shown to you. Do not be afraid to look behind and see how far you have come. A journal is a great tool for this.
Fifth card/Source guidance &/or probable outcome is Trust…Trust that things are happening the way they are meant to…getting caught in the traffic today may have prevented you from having an accident, not getting that job may mean something much better is around the corner….do not let the fear of what-if take possession of you. You came and you are meant to have joy, whatever the circumstances, so look for it and trust that you signed up for this. Remember, you have angels willing to assist if you will give them a call. Do not be too shy to ask.
You will note a change up-coming. I have always been aware of names and the events of this past spring have been so significant for me that I will be putting my book up not under Christa-Ann Faith Godsdaughter, but as Debra Yvonne. I will be writing more about each of those names, so keep an eye out.
Till next time,
God bless us Every ONE
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I Want To Share What Brings Me Joy

I have found something that allows me to be in the world and not be of it.

Simply stated it is Christ.

Not the cross, the punishment, and the scales of justice that you might envision if you have listened to people who consider themselves Christians or watched Hollywood depictions.

I am speaking of Christ, the whole body of humanity, and all that it perceives.

I am speaking of The Christ that Jesus was teaching us about as the Whole of Creation. (I do not believe that it was himself alone that he spoke of as savior, not by any means.)

I am speaking of the Son of God, known in those terms so that we, as human beings, might have the opportunity to have compassion for Him.

That we might feel the love that a father would have for his son and seek to bring Him the comfort and light of His Father’s love.

The nightmare of Christ’s Conscience is found in the past and in the fears and worries of the future.

You and I in the present moment, that which we are able to own completely, have the ability to deliver the Son of God into the remembrance of His Father’s Love by embracing ourselves and all around us as it truly is, a gift from God.

And yes, I am speaking of the sad or troublesome things (even torture, if you must go there) as being a gift from God. An opportunity to tell The Son that He is loved and has been delivered.

Whatever I am seeing around me; whatever sorrows or longings the past holds, whatever rewards or fears are foreseen in the future. They are a dream/nightmare/illusion that Christ imagined in the mega/micro-instant of His creation.

They have no hold on me. They will not condemn nor deliver me. They simply are part of the confusion of a god at his birth which brought to pass the impetus of creation and all the diverse magnitude that this entails.

My part in the past or the future is that of deliverer and savior to The Christ by recognizing Him in all of it and reflecting to Him, continually, the mirror of forgiveness, gratitude and love.

I do this by staying in the moment filled with the fullness of joy knowing that is the power by which He was created and what His inheritance is.


After over four years of study of A Course In Miracles, I have been led by the Spirit to listen to some other teachers interpretations.

I knew the Holy Spirit and walked with Him before I found ACIM. I have no doubt that the Holy Spirit led me to the work as a distinct show of mercy and compassion in giving me something to digest and hold on to during the months before my daughter’s death. Much of what I found in ACIM had already been taught to me by the Holy Spirit through my earthly experiences and His subtle teachings.

I also knew that I needed to go through the course without anyone else’s input.

I have been through the entire book over twice now and I still love the review of the Workbook, along with the rest, even though I walk in the presence and under the direction of the Holy Spirit moment by moment. The Spirit can teach me things of greater depth as He did with the scriptures that I studied over 50 years.

I can tell that I do not understand or teach ACIM the way that others do, some for nearly 40 years.

That does not make my witness incorrect.

I also know that what I share comes along with others who have done tremendous work in multitudes of fields and genre’s and I would not have been given the ability to understand what I do without their work, the world being what it is.

I seek to bear witness to the world that we are the ones with the power and it is in recognizing Christ that we tap into it.

What I share has nothing to do with religion and everything to do with the state of mind or consciousness, specifically awareness and focus.

I do know that I must speak my truth moment by moment and allow what is meant to be, to be. This work is much bigger than just me and we are so close to understanding what we need for deliverance.

Today I understand that I need focus on the present and on the Son of God. I am not so sure I could do this so well if I had not done so much work on my past and worked for years on things like goal setting and time management.

It reminds me of the yogi who bends and stretches every part of the body and mind with the goal of releasing each if only for a moment in search of that place called Nirvana. Brothers and sisters, I have found the way to lead the masses to Nirvana. I am grateful for the chance to bear witness of this possibility that could change how we look at ourselves and each other.

I am able to walk forward to whatever life holds because I know I will seek to walk moment by moment and give all that I am to the remembrance of The Son of God and His Father’s love.

Till next time,

God bless us every One, Namaste~




Posted in Freedom's Core, Learning To Fly, Power of the Laser, Testimony | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment