22 March 2019
Having a mom is a personal choice. It comes from within, not from outside. Not from her. She doesn’t have to earn respect. She is the very symbol of love and respect for you in that you are here. Regardless of her presence or abilities.
*”A birth canal” or “egg donor” does not speak poorly of your mother, it speaks poorly of you and your respect for this life and its challenges.
She cannot protect you from the world’s challenges either. She does her best, in her own way, and you asked for this circumstance.
So, if you do not have a mom or dad, you need to ask yourself “Who am I” and why did I accept this role.
This is my witness on this day, a year from the time I found out my birth mother was still living and may be dying. I rushed to her side to look in her eyes and tell her I loved her. She asked me for help and my hands were tied and that tore my heart out, but I would not trade one moment I had with her for anything.
Knowing her gave me courage to step into another level and phase of understanding and learning that I would not have otherwise.
I gave away most of my earthly possessions to go to her. My own young were capable of taking care of themselves and I did not abandon them. She needed me then, it was not a fluke.
She inspires me. And I love her and the others who grew in her womb to meet the challenges of this world.
I called her mama and it offended others but it symbolized the warmth, respect, gratitude, and compassion I have for her … and for myself.
*I heard those terms on a post where a girl pushed through closed adoption choices of the mother and father of a friend of hers and received a letter saying in essence” mind your own business and let me have my privacy” from the mother. We have no right to judge anyone. And we cannot force our idea of how relationship ought to be onto each other.
We need to show respect and value for ourselves. Perhaps this is why we allowed such trying circumstances to be in our lives in the first place. Because in finding love and respect for ourselves, in ourselves, we have the opportunity to come across the reason we are here.
**My witness is so strong and so deep that it may put off others. I understand that. I cannot deny who I am and would love to know more of my “family’s” journeys. But I will not give up myself to have those associations.
And I am a writer. What happens in my life becomes a part of me and a part of my writing. That may offend or make fearful those who would otherwise contact me, as well. I understand and I accept that cost of personal identity. I hold no grudges.
My gratitude has no bounds for what each of you have taught me. I know that the time will come when we will meet and rejoice and be glad we came.  Whether it be here or in the hereafter is irrelevant.
My compassion and respect to all who have ever had a mother.
Yvonne, 22 March 2019
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