Hi folks, You will notice that I have a new site name and hope to have a new blog look shortly. I want to make it new to fit the next chapter of my life.
I could not have dreamed this up with the mentality that I have had here on this earth. I had to have come here with this commission.
I am very happy with where I am, though, and with everything and everyone that got me here.
I totally do not “dig” the human condition.
I am not pleased with “family” and “romance” as the epitome of the human condition.
And I do not appreciate being shoved into a box because of some role identity that I am supposed to have.
I want a divorce from this bullshit!
I will not be shoved into anybody’s paradigm.
I will claim my own identity.
Yvonne is the name I choose to go by.
That is my link to family. Beyond that I release it all.
I will not compete in the grand-parent hierarchy.
I will not compete for the affection of my children with their fathers.
I will not be a jar of pickles my adult children can take down now and again to see what they will look like in 20 years.
I will not be a piece of pottery on the shelf to perform at social gatherings according to the dictates of whoever the “head dog” is at the moment.
And I will not be a buffer for someone who does not want to see to their own parenting responsibilities.
They can use me as a scape goat. I cannot stop that.
But I do not have to sit here and watch it.
I rejoice in these things. Because they have allowed me to fight for and find the truths that I have found.
I want my adult children to grow and make their mistakes and get the experience they wanted when they came here.
However, I will not be forced to participate in any personal form of self-debasement, they desire, just because I am their mother.
I was not put on this earth to suffer. Nor to be fed off of by cannibals of any form; be they family, government, or any other society. I was put here to find joy and to light that flame that burns within me so bright that it cannot help but be seen by others.
I do not seek fame.
I seek freedom and identity.
As an individual and, and, and … as a collective.
It is in relinquishing the false trappings that I seek to shed light on our true purpose and potential.
And if my family wanted to know me, at all, they would read my bloody writing and cheer me on, or speak to me about it in some form, but they do not. And so be it.
With the internet and Facebook I now have cousins on my father’s side, that I never knew all my life. They arrived after I at least 50 years old. And I have had five new siblings show up, just a year ago now, but they do not interact with me. I do not know what these people expect from me.
It really kind of disgusts me.
I am not allowed to see my birth mother, who cannot communicate due to several strokes, that no one has wanted to help her recover from for over 35 years. And the medical field could help her, but they have tied my hands, because my sister holds the purse strings and our mother’s life experience in her hands. While I have the where-with-all to help her and I am not even given a chance. Good grief!
I am done trying to accommodate you all in your insanity.
I do not seek to shun people. I want very much to embrace them. But so help me, there is nobody there. And I mean this on so many levels.
And that is okay. I am equipped to travel solo by God’s design.
I seek to harm no one and believe the path I take will lead us to greater freedom, as a whole and individually.
Join me, if you dare step out of this insanity!
Till next time, God bless, Namaste~