“I started watching the Netflix original “Heartland” while I was in the state of Washington. I have always loved horses. The mountains, gorgeous trees, etc. I can pretend I am there or a part of it somewhere in my brain and it brings me comfort.

I have not been familiar with horses really throughout my life. Mainly because I feared their size. I had one step on my foot when I was about eight or nine years old and it frightened me. And of course, (seemed like anyone who interacted with me got in trouble) my step-cousin who brought him to me did get into trouble for bringing him up to the farmhouse in the first place.

Seems I always have a negative tag for an otherwise pleasant experience for I had truly wanted to see the horse and to touch him. I replayed that kind of scenario in my youth. I might conclude that this was a big part of my role in fulfilling the “Christ-Conscience” assignment Christ gave me.

In ACIM Jesus has told us he will wipe away the challenges and only the joy and love will be present and carry any emotional charge. I do believe this is what will occur. That is my hope and witness at this time.

I have always connected to the earth and what the physical body can give us in a big way. My joy for life when it is unveiled is typically more than people want to deal with. It is like someone has to shove it in my face or down my throat. Yet they do not want to see a sad face. Smile.

Smile and put on your mask so we can convince the little ones it is worth the struggle. No! It is not worth it, I mean the smile. So much hurt and phoniness happen behind a smile. ……I suspect that this is one of the “Christ-Consciousness” symptoms we are all a part of. Make no mistake though, this life is worth it!

“Heartland” addresses this attitude a lot at all ages. Yet, somehow the people on this ranch believe that they are worthy of joy and happiness in life. They do not shrink from the challenges people or nature hand them but support one another in facing it. They believe in one another and this makes them family. This makes them connected.

This concept is one I would say is founded firmly in what I have found to be a truth. I say this so “meanderingly” because the truth is yet to be in its’ entirety. In fact, when we get back to our rightful place without time, I suspect that truth will be ever evolving and experiential in its fullness and entirety and will be absolute bliss and euphoria. The only truth we need to be firmly aware of in the here and now is that God IS and all other “realities” are based on that.

“Heartland” has the beautiful trees, mountains, and hills that remind me of the Northwest and the majesty of nature and appease my longing for both somehow. It is like a dream in waking hours.

And then there is the family. I have watched Amy, Mallory, and Lou all grow up and interact as a family. I love the way it is presented. Of course, it is fiction and I cannot say that I have observed that kind of interaction in the families I have witnessed over the years. I am so grateful that they kept the family together with all their challenges. (I had just finished Season 7 when I wrote this.)

My family life was blown out of the water before I got here. I knew that when I arrived as a full-grown spirit taking on the persona of an infant. Like each of us, I came with limited recall that would be completely forgotten as I learned the language and social/cultural expectations of my surroundings. It would take the Spirit to remind me where I came from.

I had been prepared for the bumpy ride. I also had numerous assistants, seen and unseen, committed to getting me through my chosen path and assignment. That does not mean it would be easy.

Somehow “Heartland” resonates with my soul and touches me in a way that goes beyond words. I did not feel guilty about the “friend” who introduced me to the program or the horse that I was allowed to groom for a couple of weeks that I left behind in Washington. I was a bit surprised at that. I think it is a choice I made to not feel guilty. I knew that I was led by the Spirit as I walked my walk in Washington and separating from those relationship’s, at least physically, at the time was the right thing to do. Or maybe I just ran because I did not know how to face the challenges that I felt were coming.

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In South Dakota I do not feel close to nature in the same way. I can walk in the small town community that I live in but I did not grow up here. I have not been known by the community all my life. I have not learned how to blow off the attitudes one has to put up with at work and hold down a job. How can I feel welcome when I know there are those who have. Not to mention how can I expect them to understand who I am or what I am working through because of where I have been.

Upon return from Washington I received a warm welcome from a few significant people at one of the businesses that I attend regularly, but with my background, even that feels very uncomfortable. Being welcome and accepted changes at the drop of a hat in this world. And being stepped on and laughed at is just a risk I really do not want to take. I have taken too many hits.

I feel embarrassed and shamed. like a wolf trying to join with another pack. (Grammarly wants me to change shamed to ashamed, but I do not believe I have done anything to be ashamed of. I wanted to know my mother while I could and I was told she is not my mother. Possession is 9/10ths of the law. I left so as not to be confrontational.

Rejected in Washington by yet another facet of what this world calls family. Interestingly, I was welcomed back by someone who has shoved me away and shunned me quite regularly over the years. Reality is I know that I do not dare trust it. “Trust not in the arm of flesh”, this is real and it is the ego that makes that truth sting.

That is just one of the risks we took being here in the physical world. I do believe we were taught and warned about it. Though it would have been very hard to comprehend in that world where we all knew our connection and felt the tremendous love that is still in memory in the spirit world.

Like teaching someone who has never tasted salted pretzels or ice cream before how it makes you feel. The hope here in the physical world is the witness that we are all one. No matter what challenges we go through here we will gain from it and the ultimate prize will be of such value it will be worth the frustration and heartache.

Something we knew for sure before we came here is that there is no real death. We knew we would face that here, however, it would not be real any more than all the rest that happens here that is not founded on love.

Watching the program reminds me how backwards we have things here. We think that we are creating or working toward something as we “build” our lives. The program works wonderfully with rebuilding broken lives. And that is awesome! Truly!

And we ought to do that with great joy while we are here. What we are here to remember though, is God’s Love from which we came and which, on a psychological level, we have thought ourselves to be removed from. Without this, as our foundation, we are still lost in time and space.

We do not like to hear about The Son of God, Christ, today. We have found false acceptance of our identity as Free Agent Egos capable of making and breaking ourselves and each other and  willing to just fight against life until it ends and then “get on the horse again” and come back for another life as we are re-incarnated.

Or we believe that someone else can pay some unrealistic debt for us and that some “pie in the sky” kind of love will welcome us into the bosom of “family”. Thus the symbolism of The Cross holds the proverbial “carrot in front of our nose”, as long as we are humble enough.

The problem with that is this “carrot” does one of two things. It sets me up as “better than you” while the “not worthy DNA factor” sits inside our sub-conscious and keeps us separated or I just feel belittled and overwhelmed and know that I will never make the cut. And this attitude can be there no matter what persona we put on for the outside world.

Truth is, if God IS, than that is all there is. His love either IS or is not. There is no variance, there is no in between, “partial reality” that can stand up to any real test.

I admit the witness of this is difficult to deal with, especially in the world we live in today. That does not make it an un-truth. I can do no more than walk the walk and bear witness of the teachings of the Spirit along the way.

I am grateful for “Heartland” for helping me through this time of transition. I have decided to stabilize in South Dakota for the time being. That does not mean that I cannot travel and visit throughout the US. I still sense that my grandchildren may have need of me for a time, if only from a “near-by distance” and I will reach out and find the nature that restores and balances me.

Even though I fear it, because of the threat it is to my physical body, I feel strength and encouragement from the wildlife and the earth herself. I believe she is ready for the shift about life that was meant to come even in the beginning of her existence… or fall, depending on what philosophy of life you follow.

I also know that as weak as I am as a mortal, my spiritual witness and strength is powerful and I will use every ounce that I have to bear witness of the truth of what we are, what we are capable of, and what our destiny is.

Thank you “Heartland” and Netflix and all that were involved with the making of that show. You have helped me more than you will ever know!

God bless us every One.