There are a couple of things that I notice that this intense (Holocync) meditation does for me. One is to challenge my short term memory, which can get me into some difficult spots in the moment of my temporal life, but those things pass and the gains are so significant that the challenge is bearable.
Another is to block my emotional reaction to very powerful blows to my heart and mind. I find I am able to apply the faith and patience that I have so long desired to circumstances of life and its challenges to myself and others in a way that I never have before. It is not the “robotic stance” that I felt pressured into over the years but rather a place where I sense the hurt and upset without becoming emotionally attached to it. I give it into God’s hands and give thanks for the lessons I know that I am able to learn because of the circumstance.
It allows me to learn things at a faster pace and at a greater level. I am also transitioning through challenging circumstances with greater speed than I would otherwise. Granted I have the difficulty of upheaval (though this is not as “challenging” due to the faith and patience before mentioned) and yet, when I get the understanding of the trauma that I am facing (which comes with relatively great speed) it is an incredible thing. It is so rewarding that I am willing to undergo the difficulty to be able to understand the principle I am being taught.
In other words I am FLYING. I am living at a pace, spiritually, that is allowing me to accomplish and understand great things at a much faster rate than I have been able to do in the past. As the creator of this Holocync program states, I just need to get out of my own way so that I can experience learning at a higher and faster rate.
The speed of it all and the craving for understanding does have me devouring information and assimilating it in the context of my own foundational understanding of life. (For me this is found in the standard works of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter day Saints which I believe contain the gospel of Jesus Christ.) This slows down my previous rate of ability to teach others what I am learning because I want to run it through the test of the trial of faith and receive witness from the Holy Ghost that it is true before I teach it. I believe that is only because I choose to err on the side of caution and be an observer of my learning and living at this new level of existence before I set myself out there as a voice of testimony and witness. I feel good about this decision, its just that it can slow me down because in the past while seeking my own “right to exist” and to give my all to those I served (especially my children) I would speak of all that I knew to be true. Now, truthfully, this would set me up to be tripped up by those that I taught by the very things that I taught them, so really in holding back just a little bit I am giving myself the benefit of something to fall back on if I am attacked with my own benevolence.
I also knew the gospel well enough to have confidence in that. I find that I can no longer do that if I wish to teach with integrity, because I have to allow what I am learning to be assimilated into the dialect of the apostles and scriptures, at least within my own mind, to ensure that will not speak out of turn or of things that I should not. I find it interesting that I discovered a way to define my current challenge by writing this update. Isn’t that the way the gospel works though?!!
I take my calling as a disciple of Christ very seriously. And I know that there are many things that can tempt us and get in the way of teaching in the manner of sincerity and virtue that I desire to. I am okay with allowing myself some time to observe myself and how I incorporate my new understanding into my life to ensure that I stay within the bounds of the standard works and the living Prophets. I wish to be an assist to others in finding the light of Christ within themselves and do not wish to be a light unto the world in my own name.
Having been some several months in the program now and into Level One I can say that I am happy with the results and look forward to continued growth, healing, and understanding, along with the bumpy parts that come along with learning. I wish you well in your pursuit of freedom and growth.
God’s blessings to you and yours,
My language is changing, both in how I speak and how I write. I will observe that and watch for an understanding. My prayers are more constant and non judgmental. I am also feeling more compassion and patience toward others and myself. All good things in my mind. 🙂