Disclaimer: I am not a doctor or licensed therapist of any sort. I am a mother, a woman, a Christian, with some experience working with the challenges that life can present us and turning to Heavenly Father for assistance. Anything I say is said with great respect for your ability to recognize and own your present moment and if anything I say appears to do less than that please let me know and I hope your will understand it was not meant to do that. Also, while I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter day Saints I do not speak on behalf of the church but as a child of God and a disciple of Jesus Christ. Blessings!
This is a copy of a comment that I wrote on another person’s blog who had written about her struggle with cutting and what she understood about it and challenges she had living with that addiction:
“I have an addictive personality. I have had many things that I have had to wean myself off of. I could pretty well relate them to figuratively “beating my head against the wall”, in a way a slow form of suicide. That is how I look at where I have been. There are a lot of ideas in the world that say that we should be this way or that and there are a lot of relationships whose purpose is to keep you off balance and not knowing where you stand and that creates an attitude of “craziness” in your head as you try to ground yourself in anything meaningful, so the addictions give a place of stability or as you say at least perceived “control” for the moment which can bring relief when you are in a place of such pain.
I am just now beginning to see these attitudes of self abuse and suicidal tendencies or thoughts (not saying yours are but myself and others I have known and know of) might just be signs of those who are on the verge of discovering real life.
Does that sound crazy? I suppose it does, but I know that there is a place of great pain that we need to cross over before “real life” or “enlightenment” can occur. I have crossed that river and it is great to be on the other side. I also know that it is possible for me to allow myself to sink into depths I do not care to imagine if I chose to turn from the path of faith and hope that I am on so that makes me no greater than you or anyone else.
Real life (the ability to accept where you are right now and continue to grow and learn) and enlightenment (the awareness that we are all in this together and that we are already one and embrace the desire to lift all up, even those who hurt us, thus creating a desire and acknowledging a responsibility, to help lift others while keeping oneself in a safe place) are incredible things. They are worth every sacrifice and difficult experience to come to the place where you can truly embrace these in your day to day walk.
Dear I am going to put this in my blog, http://www.freedomprinciplesincorporated.wordpress.com
because it is very applicable to my personal journey to freedom and what I want to share with the world. You may share it in the comments on your blog or not as you wish.
Here are a couple of links I would encourage you to check out. You might see if there is anything that you can find that gives you some understanding of where you are and where you want to be:
Your reference to going from hyper feeling of anger to non-feeling reminds me of his figure 8 trap that we get into and it really does become a vicious cycle. There is hope though. I wish you well in your journey and thank you for being willing to be so candid about where you are. Hugs and, if I may say so, you have a Heavenly Father who knows and understands your pain and he will help you through it if you are willing to take hold of the helps he sends your way and begin to believe in you as he does. No one can or should carry you but we can lead you into the light of hope and once there you can lead others there as well.”
As the title of this post suggests I am beginning to believe that getting to the end of your rope may be the very place that is at the door of true enlightenment and the joy spoken of by Christ as we partake of the living truth that we are all one and to harm any is to harm ourselves. He said peace I leave with you, not as the world gives it but as the Father gives it. It takes stepping into the unknown and being willing to walk there even as Peter and Christ walked on the water. It is real though and miracles happen here all the time. Won’t you consider being a part of that miracle and trust that the pain will not consume you as you let the Holy Ghost guide you and make you one with God.
PS I also told her that I may be way off base and not responding in a way that she feels good about. I do not wish to take away her “being” her perception of where she is. I only desire to offer a hand of fellowship and hope. Freedom is something that must be obtained by the individual and protected and defended for all. This is my witness at this time. May God continue to teach us all and unite us as his children.