I offer this post from a place of inner peace yet not from a place of peace in regards to how it will be received or if it is clearly understandable.
I know that anything that is not translated by the Holy Spirit will be painful and cause destruction. I can only go by what the Spirit has told me that I need to share, and I trust that any who feels they are a part of this and that I have invaded their privacy will find comfort in simply going their own way and I will go mine. Remember that this is only MY version of our story.
What I share is my witness that God alone is real and how it looks to walk in that witness while still walking where the false world of separation that the ego=god mentality has given us.
~~~
So…, was the terror justified? Was there a reason to be terrified?
YES!
However, I do travel with the Holy Spirit, so I KNOW that He directs all that I say and do.
Thing is, the other day I ‘blew up’ at a group of elderly women over my frustration with their lack of compassionate eyes and ears for one of our members who was facing a difficult time (the prognosis of impending death) and quite frankly, I did not want to do that at this graduation.
Yes, I do believe that it was the Holy Spirit that directed that outburst, but I also knew the amount of emotional concern that I felt for all that were sitting there.
As I told them, “I have something that could give you peace, happiness, hope, and calm and you SHUN IT like the PLAGUE!”
Dang! I will be addressing this but for now I am letting the Spirit teach me what He will because I knew that there were ‘big’ things coming my way.
The ceremonies went well with the Holy Spirit reminding me to clap loudly, for each of the students to let each graduate know that they had done something significant. This improved overall in the room by the time all 97 students had been recognized.
I got to sit by the one ‘most distant in affection,’ if one could understand the story we have collectively written in this particular group.
As the mother of the one she sees as having taken her husband away twenty-five years ago, she would more than likely have the greatest angst with me who did not raise my daughter right.
Spirit prompted my move to sit by her due to my own discomfort at being ‘at the feet of the others” all by myself on the bench in front of the rest of them. Others had taken the ones behind.
I had never met her before that I can recall, but we spoke of our feelings for the accomplishment of our mutual graduate though she was the blood line and I the tagalong usurper.
Grateful was the feeling the Holy Spirit expressed through me. And proud of the graduates and those that support them.
I was put at ease as soon as I knew who she was. The only one who could feel more out of place than I among this group.
And a genuine smile of ease spread across my face that I could not shake.
~~~
The reception showed me the three groups within the gathering. One for the family of the property owner. One for the ex-wife of the grandfather. And then the grandfather’s current support team. There were the grads who came and went as well.
I had the privilege of a few minutes of real conversation with one who has yet another year to graduate from college. It didn’t seem fake or tested by others.
I could see one of the mother-figures that my daughter had taken on who supported her “sarcastic” (by her own admission) love expression that I had witnessed for twenty+ years.
I also saw how my daughter saw my lack of support for attacking her spouse as a lack of support of her.
I knew also that the reason I was allowed an invitation, and her other two siblings did not receive one was because I was not expected to show up in the first place since I had not been able to attend my own kin’s receptions, “Why would I go to this one?”
~ That was the ‘ace in the hole,’ by the way, that allowed the mother of the mother of the graduate to feel she had one up on me as “Of course, it was something ‘she’ would not miss for the world.” I am glad she had that buffer and I wish her God speed and every blessing into the future. 
When I did show up nearly an hour later than expected because I had thought of a way I could access some cash to get her which did not turn out because THAT was not what the Holy Spirit knew that she needed, I was greeted and treated kindly by key individuals, including her true grandmother who the Holy Spirit had me do a mini bow to and praise her for her making the long journey to get to the event to which she responded a second time, “I would not have missed it for the world.”
The Holy Spirit never stirred up my emotional calm that He had given me a few hours before at the ceremony.
~
Since we are speaking about terror, I will share that Mother’s Day gifts and celebration had been attended the night before for my daughter.
She received gifts of honor from her adult child and a nine-millimeter gun from her spouse. Jokes were made about his mortality rate after that event that I did not feel good about but was not prompted to respond to.
I could hear the fear in her spouse’s words as he spoke of the siblings who had faced dementia and he said in confidence to his eldest brother that he would rather be put out of his misery than face that.
I could not help but think that they were both playing Russian Roulette with his life and hers which was underlined by the fact that over the years he had recorded his ‘pushing her buttons’ and her responses which he always got a good laugh from when he shared it with others including the group at the table.
This is a frightened man who is hurting and does not know what to do. He has no faith in spiritual things and has watched many of his immediate family be put in nursing homes and not be able to care for themselves.
The saving Grace in this story (which I am noting from my understanding by the prompting of the Holy Spirit and NOT for any applause or “pity me” goals) is the fact that while she has a sincere love for her spouse underneath the story the ego=god mentality has thrown her into, her greatest goal for the past 30+ years of her life has been to show her biological mother (me) that she can do what I did and “DO IT RIGHT.”
Yes, at nineteen I took on a relationship with the husband of a woman who had four young children and their home was shattered. This was her father. A man who liked to mess with people’s minds, by his own confession.
I failed at keeping any form of family unity through two more marriages and lost the respect of my children many times before they left home earlier than eighteen and did not see to their educations properly in life or in academics according to their views and the views of those they chose to listen to. Some feel differently now, some don’t.
And she HAS achieved each of those milestones with flying colors. For which she deserves applause! I say this without joking in the least.
Now you can take off on a tangent and judge me all you like, if that is what you want to do but the Holy Spirit IS trying to share something here.
This challenge, that I have had to be aware of over the years, in how my daughter saw me as ‘unfit’ to meet the needs her dad had, is what will keep her from allowing her spouse to push her buttons to a place where she would harm him or herself. NO MATTER the amount of sarcasm and verbally cruel energy passes between them. Her objective has been to shelter her father and protect his feelings and believe it or not THAT is the storyline that her spouse allowed her to correct.
How can I be ANYTHING but grateful for this?
Do you understand how the HOLY SPIRIT has been able to support and sustain my daughter even through the challenges?
Was I, who leaned on the testimony of Jesus that God Exists asked to step in and give up my role as a loving mom who had a respectful daughter, knowing that I would have the witness of her love and respect even when she did not?
Did I GIVE UP something that was REAL or did I stand in the witness that God Is Real and NO STORY LINE can take that away?
There are other ways the story could go. Her son could have an accident while traveling and that could throw both parents into an emotional place where nothing mattered because the pain would be so great, and we would face three terrible tragedies.
Yeah, that is a possibility and in some places of thought perhaps that particular scenario plays out within the construct that we think of as time in its many dimensional forms, however, I am going to pray that it does not occur in THIS ONE that I find myself in at this time.
~~~
Do you want to know the book that keeps coming to my mind that defines best my understanding of families in the ego=god mentality that we BELIEVE we are in?
It is “the short second life of bree tanner,” by Stephenie Meyer, author of the #1 Best Selling Twilight Saga.
IF we truly have a desire to have the Love that the stories tell us is possible in ‘families’ we would do well to allow the existence of God into our realm of POSSIBILITIES.
This is all that the Holy Spirit requires. He will bring the light to your mind in increments that you are able to absorb even though, at times. you may feel that TERROR is the door that you are facing.
Do not be afraid to go through that door because you have the Companion of Companions in the Holy Spirit and He will not fail you.
~~~
You thought that was the end, right?
Well, the Holy Spirit showed me something today that would have caused terror if I had not been put through the paces this week.
We are sovereign beings by the Proclamation of the Universal Creator.
IF it were possible to be separated from God, we would recognize this, and IT WOULD TERRIFY US BEYOND ANY ASSEMBLENCE OF SANITY IN ANY MANNER AT ALL.
Our ALONENESS IS THE PRICE of EXISTENCE in the Body of Christ that the Universal Creator has given us to AFFIRM our PERSONAL EXISTENCE.
It is only by through the Reality of God’s Presence that we are ABLE to acknowledge one another AT ALL.
This ALONE IS A GREAT ENOUGH UNDERSTANDING TO HAVE ME PRAISING GOD FOR ETERNITY.
I do not know about you, but I will gladly and gratefully accept the EXISTENCE of God that I may have the companionship of the Whole (Holy) Body of Christ at my disposal and willingly yield to the tutorship of the Holy Spirit on what that really means to me and to others.
PS
( I probably would not have gotten an invitation if another daughter hadn’t created a story, I may NEVER be able to enter again because of the corner she painted herself into by making me the ‘fall guy’ in her story of abuse, ten years and counting.)
In the Name of Christ and His Father, even Love, amen.
Photos, mine, of the gift I let the Holy Spirit choose for my graduate and in my heart for all the graduations that I missed.
Freedom Principles; At-One-Meant Now 
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