Please remember that this is from the world of His Story (Christ’s), history, the roles we played in a lifetime long ago and far away, that have nothing to do with who we truly are but at the TIME allowed us to return to our Right Mind in the Presence of God and our entire brotherhood (which includes our feminine side, folks).
This is not a short read, but will be worth it for those who follow my ‘story.’ 
Also, I speak to a broad audience and I allow for all ideas, concepts, and definitions of existence to be as valid as ANY other by the Declaration of the God of ALL Creation Who Gives them this right throughout Eternity. It is Full Spectrum and I embrace them all as my brethren, with our feminine sides, as well. In other words, I do not define gender by our genitals. We each carry both persuasions from what I have seen.
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I was twenty when I seriously attempted suicide thinking that I had no capacity to meet the task of preparing my two baby girls to exist in the world and I was not willing to stay in a world where I had to give them up. I guess I was greedy or selfish that way. I had not even thought of that all of these years.
It really was a pain or suffering that I was just not willing to even look at.
I think this is significant because it aligns with what I would come to understand about God, Our True ETERNAL and ORIGINAL Father, and HIS absolute PATIENCE with a Son Who thought He could be separated from the Love of His Father.
It took my eldest child dying, at the age of 39, to bring that home to me in a way that I could NOT refuse to understand.
~
I was correct that I did not have the means to give them a place to stand in this fear-based ego-maintained world but Jesus knew I had something else.
The determination to do what he asked me to and that was to be willing to believe in God and in His ability to bring us Home.
Jesus sent me back knowing that I had his love with confidence that he would be with me and help me do what I came to do.
Shortly after I met a man who apparently had a similar concern about his ability to give his children what they needed and together we brought four more kids into the world!
Such is the sustaining HOPE that is in CHRIST for the Celebration of Life.
It was in 1995 that I got my divorce from him, and we left each other a parting gift. That of the emotion of WORTHLESSNESS.
This was the first emotion that I had cleared for both him and I, and others involved which would include our children (ten total between the two of us), as my surrogate and I looked at the key emotions underlying my issue of DIFFICULTY in INTIMACY with OTHERS.
It felt so good to release this, not only for myself but for him and the children.
I pray that this work lifts his soul to the witness of the glory that he is before the Creator and in the lives of his children despite a story that may look less than adequate.
I pray he has a quick recovery and opens his heart and mind to receive every blessing that he and those he loves are so deserving of.
In the Name of Christ and His Father, even Love, amen.
~~~
The second emotion was not as easy to identify. I was told I could pick any from Blaming, Dread, Fear, Horror, or Peeved because they were each as strong as the other in my next level in this issue of Intimacy with Others.
I chose FEAR since it aligned with what I saw as the greatest opposition to Love (according to my understanding of A Course in Miracles) which is how I interpret intimacy or being able to interact in a healthy and satisfying way that blesses both.
Rather than being a SHARED Emotion as WORTHLESSNESS was, FEAR was an ANCESTRAL Emotion that was brought out when I was 14 or 15 (1970-71). That was when I left the home of my aunt and declared that I would not stay with any one of my kin because I felt no safety there.
Turns out that my foster father was a bit of a pervert as well and I found myself having to lie and cover up evidence of his advances. FEAR. Of being caught? Of my own inability to ‘just say no’ because of my state of confusion and lack of a sense of anything stable? Fear of losing the comfortable surroundings I found myself in with calm and regular meals, clean clothes, and other basic needs not to mention the pool in the backyard.
I attempted to commit myself to Jesus and went to church committed to finding answers. But the church’s biases and ‘hands-off’ attitude had so many of us falling through the cracks and feeling unsupported.
The fact that FEAR came up as Ancestorial is cause for reflection. Here are some thoughts: Was it FEAR of having one’s culture annihilated from my Native American (Kickapoo Tribe) ancestors? Was it FEAR of not being able to feed ourselves from my Irish ancestors? Or was it FEAR of being controlled if we did not control first and exercise power over others from my English ancestors?
No doubt it was from all three and more that I do not know about. We were able to extend that clearing to them as well. Isn’t that exciting? Are there others waiting to have this work done as well?
I would rather do that than focus on a system that continues segregation and separation according to their compliance with prefabricated rules thought up by the demi-gods of yore.
I choose to acknowledge the Ultimate and Supreme Original God of All That IS rather than any in-between demi-god that is going to fix his realm and ‘feed’ his “ego” quite frankly.
In the teachings of the Pleiadians, they are known as “creator gods” who extended themselves as themselves in order to “feed themselves” and A Course in Miracles tells me they were intending to feed their ego. The need to eat or have anything provided from outside of the Self which is within the Father is from a sense of lack as well as separation from the Original Creator.
I choose to circumvent, or not even bother with, the teachings of the secondary gods because I choose to understand MY existence through the ORIGINAL God that DEFINED Creation and His Son as FREE to BE because God WILLED IT SO, AS DID the SON of Which I AM a Part.
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The third emotion that was targeted in my issue of ‘problems with intimacy’ was being UNSUPPORTED. I have mentioned how I felt that church environments that I have known over the years left me feeling unsupported.
This emotion hit me the hardest the year I turned 50 in 2006.
A lot happened that year. The death of my stepmother severed the last tie I had with the only sibling I had been allowed to get to ‘know’ in this lifetime out of about 14. I got my fourth divorce, lost my home and vehicles, my Temple Recommend, and my calling as a Temple Worker.
I had just memorized the only priesthood role a woman could perform in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints which was the Washing and Anointing ordinance.
I believe that Father allowed me to get this far so that I would have the INNER WITNESS that I was worthy of speaking on behalf of God which is the meaning of “Priesthood” that I had been taught. I was to learn a great deal more of what that meant but it was a significant component to an otherwise devastating year.
My children watched and while it was a relatively rapid course of events that began in the spring and was completed by fall that year yet, it was excruciatingly slow as well. One thing that happened was Father having me stay in my nice townhouse alone and begin to accept the fact that it was okay for me to have a decent place to live.
This turned out to be my second SHARED Emotion and it was SHARED with my adult children ranging in ages from 32 to 20.
For myself, I took heart with my divorce and the newly acquired information that I was NOT the terrible person that I and my children had been taught. I even chose a name that would work on my subconscious to remind me who I was in the sight of God; Christa-Ann Faith Godsdaughter.
God’s Light and Knowledge had permeated my being enough to reveal that I had value in HIS EYES if in NO OTHER. And I grabbed ahold of it.
I am afraid my children did not have the same experiences, so they only saw me being crushed which meant my ability to be any kind of support to them was gone.
The SHARING of this UNSUPPORTED emotion was perhaps the final rift between my children and myself in this story of separation that we had agreed to play out.
I thank God that He was reaching for me from Within even as He saw my willingness to reach for Him perhaps by my service in the Temple of the Latter-day Saints and my own sense of lack of support from the Church that professed to sustain Him when they actually appear to have devised a strong system that sustains themselves for when the “rest of the world, the non-believers” fall into the promised destruction.
Three big sighs were expressed by the man who was assigned as my surrogate and helping me through the process. He seemed to feel a lot of emotion. More than likely on behalf of my adult children. I wonder if his impression of me fell at the same time. It is difficult not to judge in such circumstances. I do not feel offended. I am just making an observation.
It certainly is not the first time I have ever met with such an attitude regarding my life and my children on behalf of people outside of the situation. Granted he had an ‘in’ through my subconscious but what I want to say here is that this is a STORY and NOT who ANY of us is by the mistaken belief of separation from God and the sense of guilt and lack that it brings.
~~~
FAILURE from PRECONCEPTION: Preconception, emotions that were had before conception, could be soul issues- could be previous lives.
This hit me when I was 46 in 2002. I was in route to my fourth failed marriage. By this time in the reading, I am getting pretty tired, and stress is setting in even as I type this up.
Turns out that the almost ‘husband’ did not like anything about me. I tried to buy love that time around. I had an auto accident lawsuit coming through and I knew I had the skills the world said it took but you know what? THAT is where the FAILURE was. It was in believing that skills or caring or anything else besides true acknowledgment of God and His Oneness would allow me to have the relationship that I desired. (Says something about today’s dilemma as well, doesn’t it?) Money will not make the difference either. He sees no need to change his understanding of God or his fellow men or so he says. It is not my place to adjust him or his attitude. I can only adjust mine and wish him well and peace and plenty. Which he has according to him. Okay, I concede.
He continues to show me kindness as he does for all because that is the lifestyle he has chosen. I think I shall do my best to focus on gratitude and leave it at that.
Maybe I will have to work on LUST in the next session. Haha!
The clearing of the emotion of FAILURE was for me and my previous lives or existence from which it came.
I have to say that A Course in Miracles is what taught me why there is ONLY FAILURE here in ‘Storyland.’ The ego and truth do not have alignment. What appears to be light in the world is truly God’s faint reflection in the Mind of the Sonship of Christ. ONLY HIS PRESENCE will align two people in the way that our Soul longs to be united physically or emotionally. This is my witness and understanding today.
~~~
My final emotion was heavy again, coming up strong for Humiliation, Jealousy, Longing, Lust, and Overwhelm. With Longing, Lust, and Overwhelm being the three that I got to pick from.
I chose OVERWHELM, also from PRECONCEPTION and possible past lives or pre-existence as they say in the LDS church. Turns out it was the same year. 2002 at age 46.
Feeling excessively burdened was the definition of OVERWHELM that I picked up on.
I want to say that it was this relationship that broke the camel’s back as far as believing that I was unworthy and the nasty person that the world wanted to tell me I was. Interestingly, when he is upset with me this is the same judgment that I receive from my fella. Why do I do this to myself? I think it is because I can see who he is beyond the ‘nice coat’ he wears over the ‘nasty fella who sins and offends God’ that he believes himself to be.
I leaned on the faith that God had shown me that HE had in me to get me through the years that followed and then I found A Course in Miracles in 2013 and the rest is history as they say.
I felt pretty good at the end of the session and had gone from a 9 to a 3 though I think we had a serious falling out by the third emotion of UNSUPPORTED that I shared with my children. This is a process and it IS HEAVY. It is SO HEAVY that I cannot carry it any longer. I WILL NOT carry it any longer. I have given it over to the Holy Spirit and that is where I plan on keeping the emotional baggage of that STORY.
That does not mean that I will not try to revisit it through this clearing system to assist my children and others again. Then again, maybe I will not. I will listen closely to the direction of the Holy Spirit.
I can only hope that this is beneficial in showing that ‘the story lives on’ in some form in your apparent existence in the world of form but you can know that God IS and that all is well at the same time as the Holy Spirit carries your burdens and allows you to be the Voice of Love for God in the world that believes itself to be dark.
Let there be LIGHT!
In the Name of Christ, amen.
Worthless, Fear, Unsupported, Failure, Over-whelm. Which came first? They are each a result of the belief in separation from God, the Original Creator Who has always been and always will be just as His Son, a part of which I AM.
You can look it up online. I did it for myself a few years ago. The workup that I did was awesome and very helpful.
I feel it is appropriate to share with you so that you can see how my mind works with the issues I deal with. Well, since I claim to be in Heaven, eh? It’s only fair.
If we were to use only this confusion story begun with the belief that the Son of God could be separate from the Father there would be no hope of me ever reaching anyone on an intimate level uniting hearts and minds but IN GOD the One True Universal Father we can. If we want to all have our own god or be our own god we won’t have that.
I suggest it is up to each one of us to decide if we are ONE or a sum of NONE. THAT is where the issue about intimacy lies today.
Till next time, God bless, debi.
Freedom Principles; At-One-Meant Now 
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